Hello. My name is Heather and I am an addict.
I love that liquid gold crack that I can buy at any corner store. That bright yellow stuff of the Gods. I am talking, of course, about my Mountain Dew habit (fine, addiction).
Being the semi-moronic nut job that I am, I decided that today would be a fine day to start giving up my addiction. I am currently battling a raging sinus infection that I am trying to just let play out because I am terrified of building up an immunity to antibiotics, lest I be the one person on Earth that can defeat drug-resistant bacterias one day, and therefore am hopped up on all kinds of ingredients for meth.
Last night as I was trying to lay still and allow my body to heal, I noticed that I am all kinds of twitchy which led to the following conversation with myself.
"Self, you are crazy twitchy."
"It might be the Mountain Dew."
"Are you sure it is not the 8000 throat lozenges that you took today trying to get rid of your sore throat and cough? Or maybe it's the cough syrup that you get withdrawals from exactly 3 and half hours after you take it? It can't be the Dew, the Dew is our friend."
"That's bullshit, man, bullshit. They just want us to believe that."
"Who are they?"
And that starts off a whole other conversation in my head that causes me to lie awake pondering the "theys" of the planet. (It's always something, isn't it?)
This morning I woke up knowing that today is the day I quit. I knew it this morning. I bravely drove past the convenience store with their 44-ounce 69-cent wares. I sipped from my bottle of half frozen water feeling empowered, awakened.
But now it is 2:30. I don't feel good. Everything aches.
And I want my Mountain Dew. I want it SO bad.
I need an Anonymous group. They just can't call it MDA.
What is your addiction? Have you beat it before? For how long?
You know my story and that "The Dew" nearly put me in my grave 17 years ago. I am now GRATEFUL that I landed in the emergency room with a kidney infection that went to my bloodstream because that is THE ONLY thing that keeps me from drinking that stuff! Your body WILL continue to go through withdrawal and you (excuse my language) will continue to feel like shit until your body realizes that it doesn't "need" that substance. You will be tired and cranky and irritable and snappy and depressed and you will hear the voice in your head that says that you can make it all go away by driving up to Circle K. I tell you this because I love you and because I KNOW that you can do this! But not on your own!!! So proud of you for posting this on your blog! You need LOADS OF SUPPORT! You have access to that support!! The sugar, the carbonation, the caffeine, the way you drank the gold stuff, even the "companionship" of always having it with you-- it ALL plays into the habit and addiction. I am here to publicly offer my support. But you need many more than just me! Any addiction takes a team to conquer! Don't play the game of, "I can do this myself." You CAN DO IT, with help (God's especially) and I believe you WILL! Take it one day at a time and one moment at a time.... you know the rest. I love you and I look forward to knowing you better/healthier without that green monster by your side all the time. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to comment as anonymous.... cause I'm pretty sure you'll figure me out anyway :) My habit was, and still is Red Bull. I've quit. And then started again. And then quit. And now I've quit quitting. :) Miss you!
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