The Cycle

I have talked about my illness before. And pain.

I have talked about how I have to get my pain medications, but that I can make a one month prescription last for 3 months.

And then I lost my job.

And my insurance.

Apparently, you cannot be seen by pain management doctors if you are a self-paying customer without insurance. It makes for a state paperwork headache, it looks like you are drug seeking, you look guilty.

I was told to go to the ER. Does anybody have any idea how much it costs taxpayers for uninsured individuals to be seen at the ER? Even the ones that can somehow pay the thousands of dollars that they will be billed, taxpayers still end up getting charged with some part of that cost.

And then, should I go to the ER? When I tell them my prescription, explain that I am just there for a refill so that I don't have to drop by every time I have an attack - what do you think they will do? I am pretty sure they are not going to give me my refill.

I was good at my job. I did everything that I could to not lose it.

I wish I could have afforded the COBRA insurance, unfortunately, it was going to cost more per month than unemployment pays me. I wish I could have qualified for any kind of state aid, but according to the letter they sent me, I make too much.

On unemployment.

WTF?

All of these laws and rules, all of these policies and procedures that create this Catch-22 that really only catches the people that are trying to follow the rules. The ones that are really trying to do the right thing.

I can name off people right now that would sell you whatever pain reliever you wanted, without a prescription, without a co-pay, without even needing to know why you need it.

But, I am trying to play nice, I am trying to be the good girl, I am trying to do the right thing.

And in the end, I guess I will be the only one left hurting.