Scary Babies

"Momma, I'm a mother now," the almost 4 year old standing in front of me declares.

"Really? When did that happen," I ask, curious.

"Well, I have these babies...," she trails off as she heads into her room and returns with an armful of bald baby dolls.

"This," she exclaims as she hands me a Princess Aurora Sleeping Beauty baby, "is the most evil of all of my babies. Her name is Azula. She ate her father 4 minutes after she was born. It was horrible."

"Oh. Oh, my. How did you handle that?"

"Well, I was sad that I lost my husband, but happy to have my baby. I love her," she clutches the doll tightly to her chest.

The face of true evil.

"This is my only son," she holds up a slightly larger doll that I know as Maggie. "His name is Pooh Bear."

"Uh...okay."

"He is a good boy. He does not hurt anyone. Not even Azula."

"I'm glad, he looks powerful."

"Yes, he is very strong," she pauses to stare at the baby before slamming him into the carpet NFL touchdown style. "He said a bad word. He needs to think about his choices."

"Okay..."

"And this," she presents the next doll with a flourish. "This is Flower. She has problems."

I look at the doll that I know as just Baby. Someone has taken a black crayon to her head and drawn a line all the way around. There are large, colored-in, black circles all over the top of her head. There is red crayon smeared on one of her hands.

"I should say so. What's wrong with her head?"

"This is from her head surgery, they had to cut it open. And these," she explains, touching the large circle on the top of her head, "are boo-boos. She falls down a lot." And with that she drops the baby onto it's already sore head.

"What about the red marks on her hand?" I ask, not fully wanting to know the answer.

"Oh, that's blood. She ate her father's eyeballs right before Azula got to him..."

I am not sure what is going on in my home. I am not sure why cannibalism (Is it cannibalism? They are dolls and I would assume that the father is a human, although she is very vague on the details.) seems to be an acceptable activity for babies, or why so many of her children are so very accident prone (although I suspect that there may be some doll abuse going on), and I am not sure, but Pooh Bear seems to have some real problems with his bowels as I was asked to change his diaper no less than 20 twenty times in an hour.

I am still praying for a normal child...