Chronically Pushing Ahead

I have a chronic illness.

For the most part, I am healthy and strong but when I have flares (or attacks) the pain is so intense that it affects every aspect of my life. Everything I do is painful, putting on my shoes, standing straight and still enough to get my contacts in my eyes, driving.

I see the look of concern in my daughter's eyes when she sees that I am not feeling well, that momma's tummy has gone rotten again, and I know that this is molding her, making her into a different person than I dreamed she would be. I think that being the child of a chronically ill parent must really suck.

No matter how much pain I am in, I try to bite down on it, suck it up so that she won't know. Of course, this usually wears my body down more so it's kind of a no-win situation for me but there's another reason that I want her to see me moving past my pain, past my physical capabilities.

I want her to see that no matter how bad things get, you have to keep pushing, you have to keep driving yourself ahead. I have a chronic illness, but it is not debilitating, it's not going to kill me. I can't let this illness win. Nothing in this world should be allowed to steal your drive, your motivation, your being.

It has stolen precious moments from me: I missed her first steps because I was in the hospital when she took them, I missed the first time that she said "momma" because I was in Urgent Care, I missed her first shots because I was in the hospital recovering from surgery.

My illness will not steal my relationship with her.

I will not allow a diagnosis to ruin my life.