Easy

I have never had a proper date. You know the kind where the guy comes to your door with flowers in his own car and takes you out to a fancy restaurant, a movie, maybe a walk around the lake.

I didn't have a whole lot of self-esteem when I was younger. 

Well, that and the Hubs and I started being a couple when he was 15, which is too young to drive (or have a job for that matter). So smitten with this boy was I, that I knew he would be my husband one day before we actually even became a couple. 

So I pursued him, I chased him, I attempted to buy his affections when other girls would catch his eye. For him, I was always just easy. 

I want better than that for my girl. I want her to have respect for herself, I want her to be comfortable in her own skin. I want these things because I didn't have them for myself for so many years. 

Now that I am finally comfortable with who I am, confident in my voice and my stride, I want her to learn these things earlier. I want her to have dates, to have the choices that I would not allow myself in my younger years. 

Not that I regret being with the man that I eventually would marry for so long, but that I would allow him to be so dependent on me for everything for so long, that I would make myself so easy and available to his whims whenever he wanted, that I allowed him to call all the shots and determine our moods. 

My only regret is being so inexplicably easy. 

And easy is not what I want for her.