Monday, February 28, 2011

A Girl Less Distracted

A girl less distracted would be able to figure stuff out.

A girl less distracted would be able to buckle down in her job and focus.

A girl less distracted would be able to be calmer with her child and maybe not snap as much.

The result of being a mean mommy.
A girl less distracted would be able to give her husband the affection, the attention that he craves.

A girl less distracted would be able to devote more of her time to God, to her church, to her bible and her faith.

A girl less distracted would be able to juggle a lot more balls and not let so many of them drop every day.

A girl less distracted would be know how to style her hair, her outfits, effortlessly.

A girl less distracted would always be able to put her best face forward and say the right things.

Unfortunately, I am not a girl. Apparently, somewhere along the way, I lost the girl and grew up. I don't feel like a grown up, in fact, I don't even think that I look like a grown up, but as the calendar keeps telling me, I am definitely in the grown up category.

I am not sure if I qualify to be in the "woman" category though. Women are sexier, more accomplished, more capable. I definitely don't fit in there, either.

So, where do I belong? I have a lot on my plate - mother, wife, volunteer, full-time employee, and the list goes on and on. It's a lot to juggle, I just don't understand why I can't do it with as much grace as others appear to. Do all women feel as though they can't handle all that life throws their way? Is everyone just a better pretender than I am?

Every day feels like another uphill battle, another day that I have to pick myself back up by the boot straps and drag myself up the hill just to slide all of the way back down to the bottom each night.

I would like to start embracing the girl a little more again. Perhaps be a little more fun, a little more spontaneous (is that even possible with a kid?), maybe even start to care about my appearance, about make-up, about style and fashion.

Perhaps when I figure out how to be the girl less distracted, I can become the woman that I am sure is lurking in here somewhere.

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