Tuesday, January 8, 2013

They Should Have Named Me Patience

I have mentioned before that I do not deal well with ambivalence. I want what I want when I want it and I tend to get a little moody when other people do not go along with my mood, whims, plans, or fancies.

Like when the Scare Bear calls me at 9:30 on a Saturday to cancel plans that have been in my mind for over a week, I may have cried. I may have gotten a bit pissy. I may have thought about finding a new group of friends. Although finding a new group of friends would be difficult this late in the game and looking for people that I can trust and that I have known for teens of years would put me in my late 40s before we would be able to go out.

Have I mentioned that I am not patient? Have I mentioned that this would probably not be a good plan for me?

Or when I submit applications for my child to start Kindergarten in August and then hear nothing back. Nothing, in two months, well, I tend to get a little on edge wondering if the application has been received, been reviewed, if they have decided that my daughter is not the right fit for the program based on a piece of paper without ever having met her or me.

This could not bode well for the both of us. I just need to know something. Anything.

Or when I spend a day looking at cars that I might be able to afford in a couple of months and I am ready to commit and test drive and go and my friend advises me to step back, be reasonable, be patient. I might get a little testy, even though I know that they are right, even though I know that I don't even have money to do anything right now, even though I know that at any moment the sky could fall - I need to make the plan, need to come up with an idea, need to have a goal to work toward.

My mind functions a lot faster than my body functions. I consistently feel like I am doing 80 mph in a 30 mph world. It is hard for me to be patient when in my mind I have already moved on, I have already moved ahead of whatever this moment is and I am on to making the next plan, the next goal, the next idea.

Does anyone else do this?

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