Monday, March 5, 2012

There's Some Things You Should Know...

My family is not contagious. Talking to us, smiling at us, hugging our necks will not cause your family to fall apart. Supporting us, letting us cry on your shoulder, or giving us space to grieve will not cause your marriage to dissolve.

Judging my decisions to blog about my feelings about our separation, questioning whether I really ever cared about my marriage, placing doubt upon my ability to make these decisions, or my relationship with God will not help you to understand this situation any better. This is how I deal with my life, I have been more than fair when discussing the after-effects of a life interrupted. The Hubs has read every word that I have printed here and several of you are more upset with what I have written than he is.

If you see me in public and I am smiling and talking to people and holding it together, do not get all up in my face with puppy dog eyes with the sole intent to make me cry. Especially if I am with my kid or preparing to teach a room full of two year olds. Do you want to know what happens to a dozen two year olds when their teacher starts crying? Do you want to take a guess?

When I say that I am fine and you keep pushing me for more information, you really just succeed in making me angry. Unfortunately for me, I cry when I get angry. You think we are having a heart to heart emotional conversation, I really just want to run away. I don't keep things in. When I want to discuss the things that are going on in my life I will. It will probably not happen on your timetable, it may not even happen when it is convenient for me. I will talk when I feel like something needs to be said.

My kid is not "acting out". She knows that her parents love her and she doesn't need you to affirm that for her. This is the way she always acts. She is just a little crazy and loud, perhaps you should meet her parents.

I am not bitter, resentful, or angry. Do not assume that if I am talking to the Hubs in public (i.e. church, a restaurant, etc.) that we are going to fight. We do not hate each other, we just can't live together anymore. Also, please do not make assumptions about our status as a couple. We will let every one know if we reconcile when and if that happens, for right now, we are separated and living in different locations. That does not mean that we will not be in the same places at the same time. I am encouraging him to join Z and I in our adventures, primarily because he has missed out on doing so much with she and I in the past. Now that he realizes how much he has missed, I want him to take advantage of as many opportunities with her as he can.

As I said, I am not bitter, resentful, or angry. I am not going to join the "Bash the Hubs" bandwagon and neither should you. He has been a part of my life for 18 years, he is the father of my daughter. He can be a good man. I know that once he gets help, he could be a great man. I hope and pray that that happens for him.

Finally, do not assume that you know what we are going through or what my next steps should be. I pray that as time goes on, the answers to a lot of the questions that I have been surrounded by will become more apparent. Right now, we are the doing the best possible things that we can for our daughter and ourselves. That's honestly the only answer that we have right now.

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