I use a Singer Sewing Machine. It has made plenty of crafty things and has been with me through the rough times (when I couldn't sew a straight-line to save my life, when the gears got so gunked up that my needle wouldn't go down AT ALL, when baby girl decided that my'chine needed a bit of gum) and we have persevered.
As I have grown in my sewing skills, I have been told by one Sewing Mama after another that I MUST get a serger. I have resisted - because we are quite literally broke, because I work two jobs and because I only get about 15 hours of actual crafty time in during the week. But, now, after two weekends in a row of mass producing the amazing (two skirts, a summer dress, a pillow, a tutu and completing several of my UFOs), I know that I NEED a serger.
I need a serger because it will help me get over the plateau of things just being a little two easy, I need a serger because if another of baby girl's teachers asks me if her outfits are homemade (pretty stinking obvious, you take her potty like 6 times a day) we may get to physical violence, but really I need a serger because it would be something that I will never do for myself.
A serger is a luxury that I would never allow myself, a way to further express myself that I will never indulge in, in my world, a serger is the equivalent to the honeymoon I never went on, the new clothes that I never splurge on (though I am learning to make my own), the Christmas presents that I never tell hubby I want (because I know that it would blow our budget), the flute I pawned to pay off my husband's car. It is silly and frivolous, but that does not stop me from going by and visiting them, repeatedly scouring Craigslist for the one little old lady that has no one to pass it on to and is searching for me, from asking the ladies at Joanne's if they are certain that the floor model isn't just a little dated...
I would love a serger, I would really love a new serger, but I will never let myself buy one. I reckon that I am not above begging.
Oh, and in case I couldn't convince you - here's the kid:
Monday, August 9, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
It's Been Forever...
It's been forever since I have posted anything at all to the site. Part of that is because I am now working a million hours a week, my house looks like three tornadoes have plowed through it and my "big girl" occupies every minute that I have when I home.
I am exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally drained. I feel like Supergirl's ice cream that she blends to the point of being a pasty slightly brown milk and cream soup, looking like nothing resembling the icy goodness that it once was. I feel like I have been whipped over and over and now that all remains is a soupy, drippy, sticky mess.
In the absence, we have accomplished little, but done much.
1. I started working at Supergirl's daycare. Mainly to cover the costs for her care but also because I love children and since I knew that I would need a part-time job with the way that our finances have been steadily heading, it seemed to be a better idea to do something that I would enjoy rather than do something that would not be rewarding in anyway.
2. We took a family vacation. For the first time since becoming a family of three, we struck out to visit my mother and brothers and sister and the great state of Texas.
It was magical how the stresses of our daily lives just melted away mile by mile of that interstate highway. I felt lighter, happier, FREER. I knew that it couldn't last and as soon as we turned the car around and began the drive back, it all started piling back, accumulating until it was almost intolerable to be sitting in that car anymore. I wanted to pull over at a rest stop, anywhere and just run. Run as fast as my legs would carry me away from all of the responsibilities, anger, hurt, disappointments and resentment.
I hoped, prayed even, that we would get home and the house would just be gone, fire, tornado, whatever it didn't matter, I just wanted to walk away. I need to get out of this town. Away from the ghosts, the burdens, the stresses of being the me that I have always been in this town.
I realize now that it is not the house that is causing the problem (although it is the physical manifestation of all that is wrong with us, this union. I can't blame the kid, it is no messier now than it was when we got her.) Where I spend my every waking moment cleaning, scrubbing, and washing, my husband spends out of the house, away from everything. He does not care about our home, it is not a priority for him. So while I worry and fret and race to beat the mess that is consuming us, he just ignores the needs that are in front of his eyes. That is why I am in the yard at 6:15 on a Sunday morning mowing, because my husband doesn't realize that it needs to be done, even when it is even with the porch and our girl gets poked in the ears by blades of grass when going in the house.
That is why at 4:45 in the morning, before our child awakes, before there are other people's needs to be met, I am folding clothes and putting them away. And since I work two jobs now, clothes, laundry, house cleaning seems to be a quarterly event when I actually get a real break from work and work.
It's during these days "off" that I beg the husband to please, please, please take the child and yourself to your parents house, I so desperately need to get this done, I really cannot work on this and that and this if I have a two year old under my feet and a 31 year old asleep on my couch. I need space, I need to be able to breathe, I need to be able to do this my own way without you and her in the way. I need to be able to move the furniture that you are lounging on. If you are not here, I will not hear YOUR words that you would help and that you would do X, Y, and Z ringing in my head over and over on repeat while I look at you still snoring well after 1 in the afternoon, while the kid begs and pleads for a popsicle or a juice box or another F'ing pickle.
But then the guilt sets in and I know that this is the time, the time that I should be spending with the kid because I only get an hour each day normally and this is the time that I have prayed for and I want to waste it cleaning the house and doing laundry instead of spending time with them. And it's not his fault that he does not notice that these things need to be done, not his fault at all since that has ALWAYS been my job, and I have never asked him to do any of those things (although my hints are pretty outstanding).
So like I said, we have not accomplished much...
3. Supergirl turned 2 and a half and the Hubs turned 31. I picked her up (a rare treat these days) for her 2 and a half birthday and then we baked cupcakes. She sang happy birthday to herself and even got a few candles on her cupcake. We had her favorite (tuna noodle casserole) for dinner and I let her stay up a little later than normal as a special treat.
The Hubs turned 31 in style the day before the 4th of July. He asked for a crown and amazingly something resembling a crown came spewing out of the sewing machine the day before his birthday. Complete with a velcro band so big girl could wear it if she chooses. We went to the 4th of July parade and then to a BBQ and Blues festival. Later, we went down to the 4th of July Carnival and Concert to watch some of our favorite local bands perform and then watch the fireworks over the river.
Favorite quote of the night: While the fireworks were going off, big girl leans over and shushes the people sitting next to us. "No talking during my daddy's fireworks!"
4. Went to a family Hoe Down with our church and learned to Square Dance, even though I use to be terrified of being embarassed in public (especially while dancing), I got up there and did it. And it was lots of fun, just being silly with my family, everyone thought Supergirl and Blade dancing was so funny and cute (and while there were photographers, I have yet to find photo of the two of the two stepping).
5. Supergirl has been to two parades and gets so excited at the prospect of seeing clowns that she can't sit still. She may be a professional clown when she gets older. Good thing she is not sensitive to the makeup!
6. Supergirl can snap her fingers. Really. Most kids can't do that at four and she is doing it with ease at 2. She is amazing.
Finally, I have come to the conclusion that if we as a family do not do things to overcome all of our issues, no amount of moving or complaining is gonna fix the problem. I think I might start the Love Dare this week. It's not gonna make things any wose than they have been...
I am exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally drained. I feel like Supergirl's ice cream that she blends to the point of being a pasty slightly brown milk and cream soup, looking like nothing resembling the icy goodness that it once was. I feel like I have been whipped over and over and now that all remains is a soupy, drippy, sticky mess.
In the absence, we have accomplished little, but done much.
1. I started working at Supergirl's daycare. Mainly to cover the costs for her care but also because I love children and since I knew that I would need a part-time job with the way that our finances have been steadily heading, it seemed to be a better idea to do something that I would enjoy rather than do something that would not be rewarding in anyway.
2. We took a family vacation. For the first time since becoming a family of three, we struck out to visit my mother and brothers and sister and the great state of Texas.
It was magical how the stresses of our daily lives just melted away mile by mile of that interstate highway. I felt lighter, happier, FREER. I knew that it couldn't last and as soon as we turned the car around and began the drive back, it all started piling back, accumulating until it was almost intolerable to be sitting in that car anymore. I wanted to pull over at a rest stop, anywhere and just run. Run as fast as my legs would carry me away from all of the responsibilities, anger, hurt, disappointments and resentment.
I hoped, prayed even, that we would get home and the house would just be gone, fire, tornado, whatever it didn't matter, I just wanted to walk away. I need to get out of this town. Away from the ghosts, the burdens, the stresses of being the me that I have always been in this town.
I realize now that it is not the house that is causing the problem (although it is the physical manifestation of all that is wrong with us, this union. I can't blame the kid, it is no messier now than it was when we got her.) Where I spend my every waking moment cleaning, scrubbing, and washing, my husband spends out of the house, away from everything. He does not care about our home, it is not a priority for him. So while I worry and fret and race to beat the mess that is consuming us, he just ignores the needs that are in front of his eyes. That is why I am in the yard at 6:15 on a Sunday morning mowing, because my husband doesn't realize that it needs to be done, even when it is even with the porch and our girl gets poked in the ears by blades of grass when going in the house.
That is why at 4:45 in the morning, before our child awakes, before there are other people's needs to be met, I am folding clothes and putting them away. And since I work two jobs now, clothes, laundry, house cleaning seems to be a quarterly event when I actually get a real break from work and work.
It's during these days "off" that I beg the husband to please, please, please take the child and yourself to your parents house, I so desperately need to get this done, I really cannot work on this and that and this if I have a two year old under my feet and a 31 year old asleep on my couch. I need space, I need to be able to breathe, I need to be able to do this my own way without you and her in the way. I need to be able to move the furniture that you are lounging on. If you are not here, I will not hear YOUR words that you would help and that you would do X, Y, and Z ringing in my head over and over on repeat while I look at you still snoring well after 1 in the afternoon, while the kid begs and pleads for a popsicle or a juice box or another F'ing pickle.
But then the guilt sets in and I know that this is the time, the time that I should be spending with the kid because I only get an hour each day normally and this is the time that I have prayed for and I want to waste it cleaning the house and doing laundry instead of spending time with them. And it's not his fault that he does not notice that these things need to be done, not his fault at all since that has ALWAYS been my job, and I have never asked him to do any of those things (although my hints are pretty outstanding).
So like I said, we have not accomplished much...
3. Supergirl turned 2 and a half and the Hubs turned 31. I picked her up (a rare treat these days) for her 2 and a half birthday and then we baked cupcakes. She sang happy birthday to herself and even got a few candles on her cupcake. We had her favorite (tuna noodle casserole) for dinner and I let her stay up a little later than normal as a special treat.
The Hubs turned 31 in style the day before the 4th of July. He asked for a crown and amazingly something resembling a crown came spewing out of the sewing machine the day before his birthday. Complete with a velcro band so big girl could wear it if she chooses. We went to the 4th of July parade and then to a BBQ and Blues festival. Later, we went down to the 4th of July Carnival and Concert to watch some of our favorite local bands perform and then watch the fireworks over the river.
Favorite quote of the night: While the fireworks were going off, big girl leans over and shushes the people sitting next to us. "No talking during my daddy's fireworks!"
4. Went to a family Hoe Down with our church and learned to Square Dance, even though I use to be terrified of being embarassed in public (especially while dancing), I got up there and did it. And it was lots of fun, just being silly with my family, everyone thought Supergirl and Blade dancing was so funny and cute (and while there were photographers, I have yet to find photo of the two of the two stepping).
5. Supergirl has been to two parades and gets so excited at the prospect of seeing clowns that she can't sit still. She may be a professional clown when she gets older. Good thing she is not sensitive to the makeup!
6. Supergirl can snap her fingers. Really. Most kids can't do that at four and she is doing it with ease at 2. She is amazing.
Finally, I have come to the conclusion that if we as a family do not do things to overcome all of our issues, no amount of moving or complaining is gonna fix the problem. I think I might start the Love Dare this week. It's not gonna make things any wose than they have been...
Friday, March 5, 2010
For the Love of Music
The Hubs and I met in high school band. We have always shared a love of music so when I recently won tickets to a local Contemporary Christian concert at the Civic Center, we made sure to bring the Supergirl along. She had a great time, clapping her hands, dancing and singing. What an awesome night!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Playing Princess
On Thursday nights, I tend to be a more lax momma.
Maybe it's the end of the week coming, or just sheer exhaustion, but bedtime is later on Thursdays and we do more fun and imaginative things. Typically, Thursday nights are either easy dinner nights (like breakfast for dinner) or leftovers, so that frees up more time in my schedule as well.
On this Thursday, we broke out the princess gear and had a tea party (with kool-aid, cut sandwiches and popcorn). Then Supergirl did my makeup and we rounded out the night with a Supergirl pedicure.
Yay for Thursday!
Maybe it's the end of the week coming, or just sheer exhaustion, but bedtime is later on Thursdays and we do more fun and imaginative things. Typically, Thursday nights are either easy dinner nights (like breakfast for dinner) or leftovers, so that frees up more time in my schedule as well.
On this Thursday, we broke out the princess gear and had a tea party (with kool-aid, cut sandwiches and popcorn). Then Supergirl did my makeup and we rounded out the night with a Supergirl pedicure.
Yay for Thursday!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Finally Well
The Supergirl and I have been ill. Very ill.
Let me rephrase - Supergirl was ill for about 7 hours, momma was ill for 5 long days. During my illness, the Supergirl was feeling wonderful and running circles around me as you can see from this picture. This is her new place to hide and play. She keeps asking me to close the door behind her. Good reason to keep the dryer door closed at all times, except when I am in the laundry room.
Let me rephrase - Supergirl was ill for about 7 hours, momma was ill for 5 long days. During my illness, the Supergirl was feeling wonderful and running circles around me as you can see from this picture. This is her new place to hide and play. She keeps asking me to close the door behind her. Good reason to keep the dryer door closed at all times, except when I am in the laundry room.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The Wonders of Being a Momma
The title of this post was going to be Best.Vomit. Ever. but seeing as how I couldn't bring myself to titling anything with vomit, I decided instead to think of the wonders that come with the job title of Momma.
My child was up until 3 AM, vomiting everything, including water and pedialyte all over the place. Through 5 changes of clothes (mine and hers) and 3 showers, I kept my cool even while speaking to my mother, the doctor and my dear husband. This is a huge moment in my life.
I have a problem with vomit. A big problem. I cannot see it, hear it or smell it or I am gonna do it. Even if it is on TV and it is just acting and special effects, I am right there with them. I worried during pregnancy that I would not be able to take care of a child when they were sick because of this.
Amazingly, my child's vomit does not stink, she is quiet and I can handle it. I hold her and rub her little back until it's all out while quietly whispering, "It's okay, it's okay." Thank God for knowing exactly what I need to be able to do my job. That's all I can really say, that even in the middle of the night, in the worst times, He is right there giving me all of the tools I need to get the job done. Thank goodness for working showers and washing machines.
She woke up happy, full of energy and ready to go this morning. I kept her home from school (party day with Dad) anyway and whispered in her ear to make sure that if she needed to be sick today, she should do it on her daddy. When she said, "No, momma, I don't want to", I giggled and said, "You should do it anyway, just to be fair". I know she won't but at least she knows how I feel.
Hopefully, tonight will be a quiet early bedtime night. I know it's unlikely, but a girl has to have hope, right?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
God Made Dirt and Dirt Don't Hurt
The Supergirl loves to play in dirt. Especially if it is thick and cakey, so imagine my surprise when I picked her up last night and she was covered in it.
On the ride home, she decided to take off her "red clay" stained shoes and after hearing me tell her no, my child, the child to whom I gave birth and the child to whom I provide food, water and shelter each day said "Gimme a break, Mom. Gosh."
I am gonna take her advice and grab a break for myself. I made time for myself to eat breakfast this morning. Something I haven't done since I was pregnant with her I might add - how awesome is that? That's my one small thing for the day, although that one is really really small.
Anyway, all of our window garden plants are sprouting and will be ready to plant this Monday, one month ahead of schedule. That means a lot of hard work this weekend for the family as we finish raking, tilling and mulching. I cannot wait until it is all in the ground and growing. And I am really ready to be able to "shop" from our backyard for our dinner. That's one of my best memories from childhood and I am pretty excited to share that with Supergirl.
That's about it on this gray and dreary day, it's a great day to walk up the 91 stairs to the roof, but I am ready for it.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
One Small Thing...
As I said in my last post, it's really important to me that I start doing one small thing for myself each day. As I thought I about this in greater detail, it occurred to me that this may help Supergirl have a better self image as well. If she sees her mommy taking care of herself, she will see that she needs to take care of herself.
In the last few days, I have begun to implement my one small thing in my day to day activities.
On Sunday, I bought some hair removal cream and successfully removed the winter coat from my furry legs.
On Monday, even though I didn't feel very good, I managed to paint my toenails. And, as an added bonus, she sat down and let me do hers too!
I haven't had any Mountain Dew today and I parked on the top floor this morning - so who knows? This idea may just stick around for awhile!
Friday, February 19, 2010
New Site, New Goals
So, as I blog stalk all of my friends and aquaintances, I realized - what if people are doing the same thing to my old blog? I have not updated it since September and people could be thinking that I have fallen off of the planet.
I will try to update here at least once a week, so that my followers can keep up with us, hopefully with pictures, although I hate my camera so much that I am not sure if that will always be possible. It's not that my camera is so bad, it is that it is so slow and my child is so fast. Sigh. Another thing to save up for. Someday, I will get myself a new camera.
I have really been feeling the need to take care of myself lately. This sounds funny to me, and even as I type it I am struck with the guilt that comes from being a mom and a people pleaser. Take care of (gulp) ME? What does that even look like?
Here is what it looks like for me. I am going to stop drinking Mountain Dew. I know that it will hurt and am preparing myself for the pain of it all. I am going to start parking on the sixth floor of the parking deck and walking up and down all of those flights of stairs (huff, puff, huff puff). That's all I have so far, except that I am also going to carve out some Quiet Time in my day for just me. Whether it is 15 minutes or so is fine, I just need some space for me and, well God, but He is always with me, so to me that is just a given.
Other than all of that, I guess things are going okay. The Hubs has a tooth that's rotting and I am not sure how that's gonna get fixed, but I know that God will provide a way. The Supergirl is growing by leaps and bounds every single day and she is the most awesome person I have ever met, even when she is screaming her head off in the middle of a restaurant because she is bored and super tired and doesn't really want to participate in the conversation anymore.
I'll let you all know how the Mountain Dew thing is going, hopefully, God will spare me from the torment and it will all be easier than I had thought it would be.
I will try to update here at least once a week, so that my followers can keep up with us, hopefully with pictures, although I hate my camera so much that I am not sure if that will always be possible. It's not that my camera is so bad, it is that it is so slow and my child is so fast. Sigh. Another thing to save up for. Someday, I will get myself a new camera.
I have really been feeling the need to take care of myself lately. This sounds funny to me, and even as I type it I am struck with the guilt that comes from being a mom and a people pleaser. Take care of (gulp) ME? What does that even look like?
Here is what it looks like for me. I am going to stop drinking Mountain Dew. I know that it will hurt and am preparing myself for the pain of it all. I am going to start parking on the sixth floor of the parking deck and walking up and down all of those flights of stairs (huff, puff, huff puff). That's all I have so far, except that I am also going to carve out some Quiet Time in my day for just me. Whether it is 15 minutes or so is fine, I just need some space for me and, well God, but He is always with me, so to me that is just a given.
Other than all of that, I guess things are going okay. The Hubs has a tooth that's rotting and I am not sure how that's gonna get fixed, but I know that God will provide a way. The Supergirl is growing by leaps and bounds every single day and she is the most awesome person I have ever met, even when she is screaming her head off in the middle of a restaurant because she is bored and super tired and doesn't really want to participate in the conversation anymore.
I'll let you all know how the Mountain Dew thing is going, hopefully, God will spare me from the torment and it will all be easier than I had thought it would be.
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