Z has taken to talking about herself in the third person.
"Z does not want to eat cereal. Z would like a popsicle instead."
It feels a lot like banging my head against a wall. I use words like "you" and "your", so that she understands that she possesses these feelings.
It also feels a bit regressive that a child with such an extensive vocabulary feels the need to dumb down her wants and needs into an almost baby-speak.
The same child that tells me that her drama class (I know, I know) was fascinating or that her visit to the park was exhilarating.
I hear her explaining the new normal to her dolls and stuffed animals. "Z can't go to school anymore. Momma doesn't have a job. Z has to stay with you."
I try to keep her engaged. She has classes 3 times a week with other kids who stay at home. She has friends that she sees at church and at softball games. We work on reading and math worksheets.
And still I feel like she is regressing.
I cannot tell you how much I wish that she could go to school. To be around peers her own age, to have the discipline of being somewhere at the same time, everyday. It's a very strange normal that we are in, and I am not sure that I can get used to it, either.
I thought about making us a schedule so that we could keep track of the things that we have to do in a day or the things that we have done, but that would kind of setting ourselves up for defeat. To look at a chart and know that we didn't wake up when we were supposed to, or that the beds didn't get made (again).
And the bad days when none of it happens? Well, that would seem even worse if it were written down, wouldn't it?
We are gonna keep trying to navigate this normal for awhile, until a new one proposes itself to us. The good news is that soon, we will have holidays and projects and the smells of yummy things to keep us company.