Thursday, March 21, 2013

An Ode to Miss Mittens

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Oh, Miss Mittens, you are our kitten
And when we got you, we were quite smitten
But now you've grown and gotten wild
And there are claw marks on the legs of the child. 

Miss Mittens, you bite, you claw, and you howl
And most of the time that I deal with you lately I can't help but scowl. 
You climb up our pant legs and knock things off the counters
I don't know where this came from, but you haven't any manners

Things need to change you crazy little beast
before I cook you and have myself a feast 
Just kidding on that
I could never eat cat
But, Miss Mittens, these actions have got to stop
I feel that at raising you, the kid is a flop

We can't let her fail, you have to try harder
All of these claw marks on my arm are making me feel like a martyr.
You used to be cute and we ran to you with glee,
But now, my cat friend, the whole household wants to flee

Poor Oliver, he gets little rest
I am sure that he wishes he were a bird with a nest
'Cause you can't jump that high and the top of the fridge is too crowded
When he's on the floor, it's like he is surrounded 
By a dozen or more kittens
And the look on his face just cries "Damn you, Miss Mittens!"

Damn you, Miss Mittens, damn you, indeed
I want to add Benadryl to your feed 
Although, I can't and I won't do that to you
You have to understand what I am going through
You are driving me crazy, my feline companion
The way that you attack me with such wild abandon.

You're a force to be reckoned with, that much is true
I really wish that you would quit snacking on my shoe
My laces are shredded, there are scratches on my neck
And every day when I come home the house is more of a wreck
You are small and yet mighty, just over a pound
But you make bigger messes than our last hound. 

Please, I beg, please, oh please, give it a rest
Before I have to go find myself a nest. 

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