Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Living in Circles

Supergirl has a theory about us living in a big circle. It's not always correct, but she is 4.*

She once got sick on Easter. She believes that she will always be sick on Easter, even though it only happened that one time.

We went to Myrtle Beach one year for Thanksgiving. In her mind, Thanksgiving will always be in Myrtle Beach. Even though we haven't had Thanksgiving in Myrtle Beach in two years.

"When will it be Christmas, Momma?"

"After Halloween and Thanksgiving and your birthday."

"And then we will circle to Christmas? And then the circle will start all over again, Momma? Just like every Christmas?"

"Sort of. Not exactly."

"And when we have Thanksgiving in Myrtle Beach? I will see my cousin and we will play in the waves at the beach by the hotel? And eat turkey on the baclony**?"

"We aren't going to Myrtle Beach for Thanksgiving this year. We will probably stay home and have Thanksgiving with our friends and family here."

"So we won't have Thanksgiving this year, Momma? Will the circle stop? If there is no Thanksgiving, then my birthday will never circle, and then there won't be Christmas."

**Baclony every single time. Baclony. It does not matter that I have corrected her nearly every day for two years. It is always a baclony. 

And nothing will change her mind.

I understand where she is coming from. I know that I am destined for much more than what I have been doing over the last few months. I know that my family is capable of doing amazing things. But right now, we are doing all of the tedious back work that has to be done for us to get to that point.

It's frustrating.

I know where we are going. I know the million steps that it takes to get there. But the mundanity? The day-to-day work, work, work, that it's gonna take for us to get where we are going? It's enough to drive me insane.

It's kind of like watching Supergirl try to learn to read. She knows the letters, she knows the sounds they make, but that lightbulb moment when it all comes together? Still not there. Instead, she memorizes things and claims to be able to read. Just this morning, I voted. She got a sticker at the poll, the same as mine, that said, "I Voted". I told her what it said and then she turned to the Hubs. "Daddy, I can read! Look at my sticker, it says, 'I Voted!'. I can read now!"

And then she looked at the air conditioner on the side of the building. The letters that spelled out very clearly "YORK". "Air Blower", she said with confidence as she skipped back to the car, slowly pretending to sound out every syllable. I kept the laugh sequestered in my gut as I got back into the car.

*Shoot. Good thing she cannot read, I would be getting yelled at right now about how she is 4 and a half. This will plague me until she is 5.

"Very good, Supergirl. You will be a wonderful reader someday." And she beamed proudly.

It's frustrating, but it's all of these little steps. These little tiny, insignificant steps that will lead us to greater and better things in the future. It takes patience, which is unbelievably hard for me. I feel like I am revving engines as fast as they can go, just to sit still and spin tires. Someday, I will look back at all of the steps that it took to get us to where we are going and I will know - KNOW- that it was all worth it.

But today? Looking at the early afternoon rain for the 90th day in a row of early afternoon rains and late afternoon humidity, it all feels like I have done this before and before and before.

And I am ready to jump off of this ride and onto something more exciting. If even just for a moment.

By the way - if you do nothing else today, please go vote. You cannot complain about things never changing if you do not do anything to change it. 

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