Thursday, August 9, 2012

With A Name Like...

As a culture, we tend to pick on celebrities for their choices in baby names. Suri? Penelope? Harper Seven? Shiloh? Apple? Moses? The comments and commenters all balk, "How dare they name their own child something they like? It's all about us greedy no-talent consumers!"


I personally don't have a problem with celebrities naming their kids anything as long as they are happy with it. Celebrity kids names have to be a little off the wall, a little extra statement because they are (hello!) celebrity kids. Case in point: will Isabella and Connor Cruise ever be as famous as their little sister? Not a chance. While Seraphina Affleck might get some good tabloid fodder one day, unfortunately, Violet and Sam will be lost in obscurity.

I am okay with that.

And, while it seems that everybody wants to have a gripe with celebrity names, I will raise a guess that not one of those commenters are from the South. No, in the semi-rural South everyone wants their kid to be special, unique, awesome (and worthy of their 3 year old mullet or their 7 year old rat tail) from the get-go.

Gone are the days of 8 Jennifers to a classroom, gone are the Johns, Matts, and Marks of my youth. Goodbye, Kimberly, Nicole, Allison, you are no longer the popular girls.

Southerners don't want their kids to have a problem spelling their name.*

*Because your own name is SO freaking hard to spell. Why I remember growing up and struggling to remember where to put all of those Hs...  

Screw that. Your name is never hard to spell. You have been looking at your name (whether you knew what it said or not) for your whole life. You will figure out how to spell your name pretty quickly because it belongs to you. 

So, around here, we have resorted to an entire generation of phonetically-spelled uniqueness usually credited to the last name of an obscure long lost relative but then modified to fit in with the current trend. What are we left with?

I made a Britely to display the names I have seen just this week. I am scared for the future of our world. Very scared.

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