Saturday, October 20, 2012

Step On A Crack...

When I was a little girl, I believed to the very core of my little being that stepping on a crack would indeed break my mother's back. And there were days when I would be so angry with her (for what I am not sure) that I would find cracks and jump up and down on them with great anticipation of finding my incapacitated mother lying on the floor, riddled with guilt and pain for the injustice that she had inflicted upon her oldest (and best) child.

When it didn't work, I realized that she could not possibly be my real mother. My "real" mother was obviously some poor stranger that I had just handicapped out of frustration with my imposter mother. I would think longingly about my "real" mother and try to come up with magical ways to fix the broken back that she had undeservedly gotten because of my foolishness.

Now that I am the mother, I am convinced that my child must be purposefully stomping on every crack in her path today. As the lightning bolts of pain spasm up from the small of my back, I am reminded of all of the torture that my "real" mother must have gone through while innocently going about her childless life.

I am trying to come up with some theory that would explain why my child would be so angry with me. Is it because I "made" her sleep in my bed last night rather than "allowing" her to sleep in her own? Were the Cocoa Puffs that she pleaded for this morning somehow not to her liking? Does she need me to work more hours to keep up with her chocolate milk and chicken noodle soup habit? Is it because she is now beginning to suspect that her Pink Grandma is not really my mother?

Someone, please, please explain it to me so that I may get some relief from this aching, broken back and not lose my sanity completely.


  1. I am surprised that you are still searching for an answer when the answer is right there in the words you've written!

    Think back to when you were a child and jumped on the cracks. What did you feel back then? What were those great injustices that made you jump on the cracks to get your revenge?

    This is what your daughter is feeling - sometimes, not always - you've been there yourself, you just need to remember and then, the hardest part of all, put yourself (back) in her shoes.

  2. In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.


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