Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Pushing the Buttons

When children are "in utero" I think they are getting a 9 month long tutorial on exactly how to set their momma's off.

Perhaps there is an actual, physical button that they can see in there - a bitch switch, if you will.

Z knows exactly what to do to have me ready to pull out my hair in frustration,  make me screaming-at-the-top-of-my-lungs crazy, and cry my eyes out in defeat. And, lately, she does it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It's like she researches new ways to punch into that bitch switch and set me off.

I don't understand how this can be enjoyable for her. I don't understand what kind of joy she can possibly get from a raving, hysterical momma. And yet she continues to push it.

The whining, the hitting, the biting, the kicking, the screaming at decibels that only dogs and small vermin can hear - she does it like a pro.

They say that you reap what you sow. I get that, but was I really that bad as a preschooler that I should have to be set off like this every day?

I used to be such a calm quiet person. I watched a video of myself from when she was one the other day and did not recognize my own voice. I miss the quiet and serene.

For right now, I guess I will just reset my switch each night and steel myself for the next day.

And pray that this phase too shall pass.

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