When your life is set to crisis mode, repeatedly, in a given year it is easy to fall into a thought process that makes you believe that everything (and everyone) revolves around you. You are so concerned with juggling all of these balls that you forget about the people you care about most.
You start taking people, especially the people most important to you, for granted.
I am a giver. I act as a personal assistant for those closest to me, making sure that they remember birthdays, making sure that they take care of all of the details so that their lives run smoothly. I am the person that they can talk to when drama, when chaos, when crisis enters their lives.
But this year, I have become a taker.
I don't offer advice, in fact, I barely listen. Who am I to give advice, look at the shambles my life has become? I don't call before birthdays with my friendly reminders. I work at the part-time when there is a holiday, so I can't take the children the way that I have in the past. I don't offer up and make charming gifts for friends and family members anymore.
I have become a bad friend. A friend that takes and takes, but does not return anything. I have become the kind of friend that I have screened from my life in the past. The friend that is hard to deal with, that just takes so much energy to deal with, a friend that is too much of a commitment.
And I am sorry.
I didn't realize that this is who I had become, but now that I see it, I am going to work hard to change it - I just hope that it's not too late.