Thursday, July 5, 2012

The Tale of Two Heathers

I have two jobs. People assume that I am exhausted, beat down, angry, or "over it", but honestly, I love my second job so much that it doesn't even feel like work a lot of the time.

And this is where I find myself in a bit of a conundrum.

At my full-time job, I get to dress up, wear heals, feel important, like I matter, which is hugely important. I have an office with a door (something I have coveted throughout my career) and am encouraged consistently to give my opinion and praised on my analytical abilities.

I am also alone 90% of the time. I have very limited interactions with any of the people in the office and as the "talking head" of the boss am avoided by many within the building. Conversations in the break room have completely ended because of my entry.

Not a super happy place to be when you are a people person.

When Supergirl came with me to work, she asked me why I was being punished since I sit facing a corner and being quiet all day. Mostly, I listen to Pandora and do my work, but I do wish that I had relationships with at least one or two people in my office. There is a woman downstairs that has written and published 3 novels that I would love to know more about than the half-hearted "hi" that we exchange each morning. I will probably never get to learn much about her other than professional  niceties and that's a hard fact for me to swallow.

I have great insurance, security and the ability to build a future here, should I choose to do so. They will also pay for me to go back to school, which is something that I have been saying that I wanted to do for forever.

On the other hand...

There is my part-time job. A job that I was sure that I was going to hate, but that I needed to take for my family to get back on track.

I love it. I love driving a truck and talking on a CB.

I love feeling like I am making a difference in a person's day. I love the personal satisfaction I get from being able to help people find what they are looking for. I love the comraderie between the employees and even the level of caring that the managers seem to have for each of us.

I get to be myself, my happy, opinionated, talkative, people-pleasing self for 20-30 hours a week even if it pays close to nothing.

And even though it's retail and I am on my feet for eleventeen hours a day, I leave happy, content, and eager to get home to my family.

I think I need to figure out which one I want to devote myself to, because I feel like the full-time may be getting short-changed as a result of the love that I have for the part-time.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm, a double life..... That just makes you more interesting. I don't have the answer to your question other than to say, you should do whichever God is encouraging you to do, the one that is best for taking care of your family (and I don't necessarily mean monetarily). Have you ever heard the expression "happy mommy = happy family"? Where is your heart leading you?

    Good luck. I know these " life changing" decisions can be difficult. Will pray for direction.


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