Tuesday, July 10, 2012

One Less Thing

In public, my kid tends to make me look like a bad parent.

People assume from her language and conversation skills and her size that she is really much older than she is, so when they see her rolling around on the floor or screaming and hollering at strangers about the joys of brussel sprouts (yes, really) they just assume that I am a terrible parent that is incapable of wrangling her one child.

I am okay with that, because it keeps her from getting kidnapped. And so, while I have a bagillion other things to worry about, I never have to worry that someone might snatch my kid. 

Don't believe me? Let's look at the facts.

  • Even though she is only 4 (and a friggin' half), she is the size of a 7 year old. Believe me when I say that lifting (and running) carrying 60 pounds of wiggle is not an easy task. Not easy AT ALL. if there were a smaller (read: more normal sized) 4 year old available. I would totally place the bets on that one being the one to run with. By the way, public play dates? Just my way of using your kid as extra protection for mine. 
  • From what I have heard, loud and obnoxious are not necessarily the kids you would want to snatch. You might also want to leave the kid that knows how to scream for the police in 3 languages (English, Spanish, and French). 
  • She bites. And kicks. And hits. And has an overwhelming downward pull if you try to pick her up and she doesn't want to do that. She also knows all about a man's personal space and she loves to use her knowledge (she thinks it's funny). You do not want to tempt her. 
  • When we are in public, my kid is constantly holding on to some part of me. Even when she is interested in something else, she knows that she cannot walk away from me without me embarrassing her VERY publicly. Enticing her to leave my side will get her into trouble, so you will be hard pressed to convince her to go. 
  • Finally, she seems to be very hesitant about all white men (I dunno, maybe she's racist), so she will probably not even look at you long enough for you to convince her of anything, if you are white or male.
So while I have to worry about clothing, housing, school, feeding, and bathing my kid, at least I do not have to worry at all that someone will take her from me. 

1 comment:

  1. We sometimes say the same thing about our 2 yo when she's been feisty (read: total nightmare) out in public. Enjoyed this post very much.


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