Friday, July 20, 2012

The More Things Change...

This has NOTHING to do with this post. I just found it very funny. And true. 
I was looking back over some old posts the last few days, and it occurred to me that as much as I have been thinking that my life is pretty stagnant and that nothing ever changes, my life has changed pretty dramatically over the last year.

At this time last year, I was unemployed, staying at home with a three year old, battling a bear, pondering chickens, and reading books that weren't very good. This year, I am working two jobs, trying to salvage as much time as possible with a 4 year old, wondering whatever happened to that bear (and my trash can!), pondering chickens, and reading some REALLY great books.

I was heavily involved in church activities and wondering if I was ready to begin leading a community group of my own. This year, I am barely attending church (because of the aforementioned two-job situation), and I honestly feel that God gave me the answer about the community group (in a devastatingly unexpected way).

My life is not necessarily better or worse than before, it is decidedly different than I expected it to be at this point.

I feel like God is telling me that I have been a "yes" person for far too long, causing me to lose focus on my priorities - my relationship with Him, my family, and myself. I will often work myself into a frenzy trying to please everyone while I take for granted the things and people that I claim to hold most dear. Now, I am in a position where I have no choice but to intentionally focus on those things because I have little time, energy, or money to do much of anything else.

So, for better or worse, my world has become much smaller this year. I have grown closer to a few key people, I have lost contact with a few others. It makes me sad, and I hope that they understand.

And while I try to figure out who I am in this new normal (why does this keep happening? These new normals are becoming a bit trite and bothersome), and pray about the next direction, I hope that the person that I become out of these trials is even better than the one that I seem to have lost.

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