I never really understood how things could go downhill so quickly. You see the happy couple at church, on Facebook, out at dinner, and then one day they announce that they are separating. You track back in their statuses to look for clues, for cracks in this seemingly perfect union.
And you find nothing.
You won't find anything about me and the Hubs either.
He wasn't surprised when I asked him to leave yesterday. I wasn't surprised when he said that he didn't love me anymore. I was a little surprised that he wasn't interested in fighting for our marriage, but looking back on the last 18 years, it really shouldn't have been a shock. There wasn't much that he was ever really interested in fighting for.
He is moving to his parent's house, back to where it all started, I guess.
Today is the one year anniversary of this blog. When I imagined hitting the one year mark, I envisioned coming up with some great kind of contest, some fun way to celebrate the past year. This was not what I had envisioned.
In the last year, I have lost my job and found a new one, I have battled bears and chickens and critters of all shapes and sizes, I have dealt with the loneliness of being home alone every night in the bed that we were supposed to share because he worked nights and I worked days. I have tried to be this great Proverbs 31 woman and I have failed. I have battled demons new and old, and I have tried to rise triumphant in the new "normal" that we have been placed in.
I have also had my marriage dissolve around me.
I am not sure when it started really. The awareness that things weren't right in our home on the edge of the woods, the bottomless chasm of words left unsaid, things kept secret, lies and deceptions eating away at the core of our foundation - it's all been there for awhile.
So, on this my one year blogoversary, I toast to you, my dear readers that we have come so far and I embark on an all new journey a bit tattered, a bit worn, but ready. Ready for something, ready for greatness.