Monday, January 23, 2012

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming...

I am trying to remain optimistic and upbeat. It's hard when you have bills and bills and more bills weighing down on you. When you know that everyday is going to be closer and closer to that line of getting to work and not knowing how you are gonna get back home.

I am fully aware that the Hubs and I caused this month's mess. We're dealing with it. And I am going to be happy about living in it, because as my Daddy used to say, "You made your bed, now sleep in it soundly." Sigh.

Stress makes the girly bits of my body go insane and try very hard to flee my body in a mass exodus unseen since the days of Moses. You may be imagining that that has something to do with That Time of The Month, but it really doesn't. It has to do with me being 35, it has to do with the force of gravity being heavier on my body than ever before, it has to do with restless sleep, and an even more restless awakened state. It has to do with the girl-child running circles around me making me feel older and heavier by the day. I feel quite mannish on days like today.

Oh, girl-child, will you ever sleep again? 

I have never been on a vacation that didn't have extended family members involved. I have never been on a vacation that involved a tropical locale with fancy drinks served with colorful umbrellas. I have never been told to just lay on a beach, relax, and enjoy the view. I wonder if I will ever have any of those things on days like today. 

So for days like today, I am going to make a list of the things that I am grateful for:

  • I am grateful that I have grace so that days like today that are filled with annoyance and negativity are not held against me in the afterlife. I will apologize for them later, today I think I will just wallow in my own bit of self-pity. Come on in, the water is FINE...
  • I am grateful that I have a job. I now know, all too well, what it feels like to be on the losing edge of that equation - to have the security that you have always known, suddenly just disappear. It is frightening indeed. 
  • I am grateful that I have a child. I also know what it is like to want for a child with every fiber of your being and have it not happen, month after painful month. She is so worth that pain and I am so, so grateful. 
  • I am grateful for the Hubs. After years and years of telling him that he would marry me one day, I was still surprised the day that he told me that he loved me - and I still wake up surprised each morning that he is still around. 
  • I am grateful that Kirk Cameron is wrong about my marriage and that we will continue to fight for each other. 
  • I am grateful for good friends that show up on my doorstep at after-9 on a Saturday night with a box of hair dye, ready to talk it out. Or that are going with me to a certain concert preceded by appetizers as entrees at a fabulous restaurant that I only allow myself once a year. 
  • I am grateful that I am feeling confident enough in myself as a follower of Christ that I feel empowered to lead my community group that starts this Saturday. 
  • I am grateful for gift cards from Christmas that are allowing my pantry to be full this month. 
  • I am grateful that I thought ahead on those days that we weren't counting-pennies-broke to buy that Groupon for movie rentals. I think it is a jammies, junk food, and movies night for my house. 
  • I am grateful that the Hubs has Mondays off. It is by far the worst day of the week for me and knowing that he will be home to provide some backup is so very, very appreciated. 
Only 2 more hours and 50 more minutes. 

I hear my jammies calling me all ready. 

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