Thursday, January 19, 2012

A Tall Drink of...WTF?

For the most part, I am a light sleeper. I get up and down throughout the night and should the child come to me crying about a monster, a shadow, a creepy noise...well, I am the one that gets up with her.

But, there are nights that I really need to sleep. Nights following a certain child's all-nighter that was sparked off by a 30 minute nap in the car, for instance.

And on those nights, well, on those nights I sleep. Hard.

Unfortunately, the kid, being the night owl that she is, rarely stays asleep for long. She has gotten to the age where she doesn't come racing straight into me at 1 in the morning. Oh, no, that would mean that she would be going back to sleep. And she definitely does not want to do that.

Instead, she busies herself with any one of her myriad of projects designed to drive me off the cliff and into madness. As if I have not gotten there well enough on my own, thank you very much.

When I awoke this morning, to find said child crumpled on the couch, I picked her up and placed her back into her bedroom. I came out to do a bit of the DANCE MARATHON FOREVER (or something, it's on Netflix) workout and noticed that there was an empty bottle of baby oil on the floor.

Come to think about it, the toilet paper was a bit moist in the bathroom.

I finished my workout (go me!) and decided to investigate. I found the Baby Alive doll, the one that she got for Christmas covered in glittery makeup and gleaming, shiny, oily hair. Ugh. I held back my rage and anger and instead took the doll and placed it up on the top of the bookshelf in her room. Daddy is gonna get a call about this later, I thought as I exited.

As luck would have it, for me, not her, she decided to wake up early this morning. I talked to her about what she had done wrong. Had her demonstrate how she removed the child proof cap (she is a super-genius) and explained to her that I was very, very, very disappointed. I also warned her that next time would be a spanking and took the doll away (back to the closet with you Baby Alive!)

I then filled my water bottle, located my phone, purse, and keys and high-tailed it to work. On my drive, I took two big gulps of my water before I realized that that smell was not coming from my hands or clothes. My water (half chunk of ice, I keep the water bottles half-full and frozen until I use them so that the water stays cold) had been infused with baby oil.

As in, someone went in the freezer, opened the bottle, added baby oil, put the bottle back in the freezer, and then went about her merry way.

I may be going mad quicker than I thought I would.

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