I do not like ambivalence. It's one of my least favorite words. I am either very, very passionate about something or extremely icy cold.
The Hubs mostly just toes the line. He is not very passionate about most things and just goes through life trying to just get along. It drives me batty, for lack of a better word. If he could just find that one thing that he truly loved...
In the Bible, Jesus talks about ambivalence. He talks about being either hot or cold, but about never being lukewarm because that will get you spit out of his mouth. I like how extreme this passage is, you are either good or bad but being both is something He can't even digest! If you want to read the actual words from the Man himself, you can click here.
At any rate, our church does a fast at the beginning of every new year to refocus our hearts, our attentions on God. Last year, I was preparing for my very first fast. Now, our church is not one to dictate to you what type of fast that you should engage in. It could be something small, like no electronics after 5 PM or a full out fast.
This was my chance! I was gonna show God just how much I burned for Him. I was gonna fast and pray SO HARD that there was no way that He would not know that I am His all-time favorite fan! And with that excited and dedicated heart, I stopped eating food.
For 21 days, I only allowed myself water and 100% fruit juice (it was supposed to be 28 but I almost passed out which caused my friends to freak out and force feed me potato chips until I quit sweating and started acting normal again). When I was supposed to eat, or would think about eating, or smell food, I would immediately sit down and start reading chapters out of the New Testament. "Did you hear that, God, I just read the Lord's prayer?", "Did you see that, God, I just finished Luke, you know you wanna bless me now, God, right? Right?"
I was a praying and reading fool, but when my body failed me a week shy of my intended date?
I went right back to the way I always live. Putting off reading the Bible, shoving prayers off for another day, not being a disciple to others, not teaching anyone anything about the true grace and love of God. I just went back to being me.
Next week, we embark on yet another fast. A fast that is intended to draw us closer to God, a fast that will reset our prayer and reading time goals. This year is gonna be different...
I am looking forward to abandoning Facebook for awhile. It will be good for me. (Did you really think that I was gonna do the food fast again?)