Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Finding a Voice

I like to watch the news. I am mildly interested in politics, I have a need to know what the weather will be like, I want to know what is going on in the world around me.

I love my church. I take comfort in my faith and the faith of others in my community. I admire the strength of our church leaders and members that have all gone through so many trials and struggles to enable me to learn and strengthen my faith with them.

And while I read blogs, books and essays regarding all of this, I know that this is not my voice. This is not who I was created to be.

This space was started so that I would have an outlet. A place to vent my thoughts and feelings about raising a child in this culture of "satisfy me now". Somewhere that my voice would be heard above the tantrums, screams and cries of my hurricane-force preschooler.

There are times that I do wish that I could have a revolutionary voice. A voice that would be a cry out to the darkened hearts of the world and lift them to pursue greater peace, but I do not know how to be that girl.

Instead, I think my voice is relational. I like the idea of you sitting at your computer nodding in agreement with the words that I have written while your child fingerpaints the walls, your dog barks uncontrollably and dinner burns on the stove. I like to imagine that you are just like me, a mom fighting for control in uncontrollable situations (re: toddlerhood, preschool age, etc) or a girl, a bit banged up by life, stronger for what she has been through, a tad weary of what she may encounter next.

And maybe, as we cross through these treacherous roads together, I will find a different voice, a more confident, more self-assured voice.

'Cause I think that I could be that girl.



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