Friday, June 1, 2012

Winter or Summer - It Still Sucks

I have a summer cold.


I could do without it. It makes my brain feel like it is encased in a thick cement block of snot. I cannot focus on anything. *

* Except for the mouth breathing, because when I forget for a moment and try to breathe through my nose I feel like I am suffocating, drowning. And then the coughing starts. 

I don't like the coughing.

I have been like this since Tuesday.

Let me show you this week's weather.

Okay, so I am not really an artist. I think it adds the right mix of F'ed up to make it believable.
The humidity in North Florida is unrivaled, so I have been trying to come up with ways to describe it so that every one can feel what I am feeling. 
  • Take your dog into the shower with you. Sit on the floor of the shower next to the dog with the water turned only to HOT. Make sure the dog is breathing directly up your nose. 
  • Place a package of hotdogs in a pot of water. When the start boiling, put a towel over your head and the pot. 
  • Sit in an air-conditioned room, like super air-conditioned to 62 degrees but wrap an electric blanket around your neck and shoulders. Just your neck and shoulders. While wearing a clothespin on your nose and spraying pepper spray into your eyeballs. 
That should cover it. 

I have off for the next 3 days. The kid will be with Grandma. I will either get better or die trying. 

You'll know for sure on Monday. 

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