All the Details

I have left you guys out of so much of what has been going on in my life lately. I elude to it and then jump to a new topic and leave you, my faithful readers, hanging in the dust. 

Research Would Have Been Helpful

My procedure on last Thursday was for a nerve block in my abdomen to try to alleviate some of the pain and occurrences of pancreatitis that I have been experiencing for the last 3 years. While no one really seems to be able to pinpoint why I have this disease - they all agree that something must be done to alleviate the pain.

I know that it is naive and kind of dumb to blindly follow a doctor's urgings, but I was so desperate for relief that I didn't really do any research into what they would actually be DOING on Thursday. I had googled nerve block a few times but everything I found was about back pain and since that is not me, I didn't really read into it.

I really just thought that this would be like getting a few shots. No big deal. They underestimated my pain threshold when they told me to take the day off from work, that's all.

Scare Bear (my responsible adult) picked me up at 6:30 that morning (it was still dark!) and drove me over to the Pain Institute.We arrived before the facility had even opened so as we waited we talked about skin disorders, husbands, tornadoes, and children. Finally, my name was called and I left the Scare Bear on the swanky leather couch in the waiting room.

My nurse, "Linda" took me back did the weight, height, blood pressure thing and then led me to the procedure room. She left for a few seconds to retrieve her "tool box". Imagine my surprise when she re-entered the room and it really was a tool box! She unloaded about 12 vials of medication, along with several syringes and a set of 10 of the longest needles that I had ever seen.

She left the room again and I sat down on the table, trying to not focus on the thickness and length of the needles that lay before me. In my mind's eye, they seemed to be growing longer and thicker as time progressed. I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that although the sky was pitch black, it was really 7:55 at this point.

The lights began to flicker as the thunder and lightening outside started. Linda and the doctor came in and quickly closed the blinds. "Let's get started."

I laid back onto the bed as Linda placed the pillow behind my head. The doctor began to identify the places in my abdomen that he would place the injections. That's when I realized that this was going to be more than just a few shots - skeletal, nervous, muscular, fat, skin - they were going to have to pass through all of my layers to get to the nerves!

He had Linda "freeze" my skin while he talked idly about the storm raising up outside, rain on the south side of town.

"Tell me what kind of pain you have - sharp, crampy, aching, stabbing, etc"

In went the first injection.

I grasped Linda's hand and moaned. "Sharp, sharp, cramp, cramp, CRAMP..." Linda told me to breathe and patted my hand.

"Damn it, Linda." The doctor said. "You are not a life coach, freeze her skin or she is really going to start screaming." She giggled nervously and blasted my skin again.

There were 20 more injections - 3 in each of the 7 injection sites.

When they finished, I lay sobbing on the table, ice pack held over my abdomen, sobbing like a college girl that had just had sex for all the wrong reasons.

And then the lights went out, snapped back on. Linda came in and retrieved me.

The phones and computers were down so they could not make my follow-up appointment, but that was okay - I just wanted out of there. I walked down the hallway, opened the door at the end and walked straight into a darkened linen closet. Damn.

I walked around the corner, made it to the exit door and retrieved the Scare Bear and walked out into a Thursday morning that looked like Armageddon.

"The Hubs called. He wanted to know if I had you."

Apparently, the Hubs forgot that I had an appointment that day, forgot that I would be gone when he woke up and forgot that he would have to ready Z and take her to school.

My skin had already started to bruise before we even left the parking lot. We drove into the blackened horizon as Scare Bear complained of men not doing their jobs, of fathers saying that they are babysitting rather than caring for their children.

We got to the house and there was Z - naked (of course) wet curls framing her face - she ran to greet me me and head butted me directly in injection site number 4. I doubled over as the Scare Bear grabbed the child and I made my way to the couch. The Hubs and I debated sending Z to school in the storm, but then decided after watching the radar that the worse was over and she should go - so I could get some rest.

I am sorry that I did not think to bring a camera and that I am not showing you pictures of my bruised and swollen belly. Trust me when I say that it looks as though I have been in a UFC Prize Fight with large deep bruises at each of the injection sites.

And the lesson here would be - always research whatever is going to be done to you.

And leave a note for your Hubs.