The week that this job ends and everything will change. Even if I maintain a job within the company - this week, I will drive my last commute to the office, I will have my last out of the house lunch hour. Even if I stay, everything will change.
Change has always had a way of freaking me out a bit, setting me off-kilter, making me feel just the slightest on edge.
I have made a conscious decision to do something a bit different this time around.
Instead of focusing on the negative, I am looking only at the positive - the great.
On Saturday, I played to win a year's worth of free gas. I did not win, but it got my family out of the house, we had some fun, won some t-shirts and free samples of gum and new sodas. We ate boiled peanuts in the hot, hot sun, splashed in the kiddie pool that was filled with ice water, played hide and seek behind the trees at the edge of the building. It was unstructured, unscheduled and great.
In my Sunday school class of 2 and 3 year olds, I went off of the scripted lesson plan and while we did review the first chapter of Genesis, discussing all of the awesome things that God created - instead of cutting out pre-made paper dolls of Adam and Eve - I asked my kids to draw their favorite thing that God ever made. Most of the kids had the same idea (my mommy!) and the majority of the drawings were little more than abstract scribble - a few of these tiny kids really opened my eyes - colors, wind, my big brother, my baby sister, my daddy (with rainbow hair and purple eyes!). Hanging out with a group of eleven 2 and 3 year olds will help you to change your perspective on a lot of things.
After church, the Scare Bear decided that she and I should take the kids out fishing. In her world, we don't need fishing licenses because (duh!) we're girls. It was a bit emotional at first (when Z was born, my father claimed that the reason that God had allowed him to live to meet her is because he needed to teach her to fish - he died when she was 8 weeks old) but I had forgotten how fun, relaxing and calming fishing could be. Even though we didn't catch anything, Z and Blade were excited about every piece of bread they threw over the rail, every lizard, butterfly, frog or minnow that they saw. It was a good day.
Finally, today, the Hubs, Z, Blade and I went to the local swimming hole. We splashed, we played in the sun, we rode on the river boat tour. We barbecued, we talked and laughed and celebrated the beginning of summer - and it felt SO good. Good to be able to let go of all of the stress, the worry, the fear and just splash and play and run with the kids. I snapped pictures, explained the things that caught their eyes and laughed at the insanely funny things that came out of their mouths.
At the end of the day as I talked to the drowsy children that were draped across my couch, I asked them the what the greatest things about the day were. Their lists were identical and are ranked in order:
- Swimming in the swimming hole.
- Riding on the river boat
- Seeing a real live alligator
Their wants, their desires, even their needs are so much simpler and so much greater than our own all at the same time.
My plan is to restructure my life to be able to more greatly appreciate the small successes, the small greatnesses that happen everyday - to really focus on the little things.
And when the big things come my way - it won't be "finally", it will be "WOW!"