Kevin Costner's Daughter is Eating My Garbage

During one of my recent fits of insomnia, I was surfing the Netflix trying to find something lame or boring to lull me into sleep. I stumbled upon a Kevin Costner movie called the New Daughter. It was in the horror section and I thought, O, the horror, Kevin Costner made another movie. Surely, it wouldn't really be scary it's Kevin Costner for goodness sake.

This is the scariest movie that I have ever seen and it has very little to do with Kevin Costner's acting. The possessed teenager in this movie is so convincingly evil that should I see her ever, ever again, I may have to vanquish her or at least wish that someone would vanquish her as I cower under my bed. That chick is freaky scary.

So so so SCARY!

Of course, I was watching this movie by myself in a very still and quiet house in the woods, which may have added to the horror of it all. By the time the Hubs came home from work, I was perched on the edge of the couch, heart beating faster than I have ever felt it, hands shaking, eyes unblinking, begging the youngest child to GET BACK IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW.

The movie ended and as the Hubs and I stumbled our way to bed, my mind could not leave the movie behind. I flopped and turned throughout the night wide wake thinking about what could have been done to change the circumstances for this family.

Needless, to say, I did not sleep AT ALL that night.

Fast forward to this morning. I wake up, go to the porch to check the temperature and see that our garbage can (a huge hulking beast of a can) has been tipped over and the contents have been dragged into the woods surrounding our home.

As I cleaned up the carnage, I realized that the bags were not torn as they had been dragged, it's as if whatever it was actually carried each bag to a specific location and then tore open the bag. That's when I realized - we either have a bear, a panther or Kevin Costner's daughter living in our midst.

A bear or a panther would have left tracks in our sandy driveway, but there were no tracks. That possessed demon girl is sneaking into our yard and eating our garbage!

I am not sure what I should do. A bear or panther could be caught by animal control but evil teenagers are a whole other story. I have read Stumbling Towards Perfect - I know the treacherous depths of their hearts...

Perhaps we should set up some kind of altar for her and leave her offerings so that she will leave our garbage in the can where it belongs.