Saturday, June 11, 2011


It occurs to me as of late, that my husband does not feel comfortable taking the lead in our household. He dares not to try to fix things as they break or to do things without instruction.

I am partially to blame, but I think that his attraction to me had as much to do with my personality being as strong as his mothers.

I am excited that Z will be is a leader. She is definitely a product of her environment as the women that I surround myself with are strong, talented, articulate and smart. My only fear is that in cultivating our own strength, and hers, we are turning our society into a nation of emasculated men. Men that are so used to women being strong, taking the lead, taking care of them - that they have forgotten how to care for themselves.

I see in my godsons the signs that I fear. Eager to do a project they rush in with gusto and excitement, but one correction, one criticism and the project is abandoned - left to sit, half completed without so much as a second thought.

For the majority of my childhood, my father did not work. He stayed at home, sleeping on the couch while my mother went off to work to support our family. And while she was the sole monetary support of our household, he was definitely the head. He kept the grass mowed, the cars running, the kids in check. He made sure that all of the bills were paid each month and lorded over our families expenses with an iron fist. There was no doubt who the man of the family was.

These days, women stand up to this type of patriarchy saying that it is sexist and abusive, but, back then it seemed as though that was the way things were supposed to be.

Now that we are in our current situation, I need my other half to step up, to take the lead, to be the man. My fear is that I have beaten him down so much in the past that he is not ready to take the helm of this ship and guide us.

What I question is in this age of self awareness and equality, have women done themselves a disservice by taking the strength (and, perhaps, validity) from their partner? Have we created our own nightmare in the guise of wanting to "have it all"? Have our men, after years of being nagged, bitched at, complained to, just given up?

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  1. Hmmm, it makes me wonder about myself. I wonder if I am stubborn against the whole male/female roles or if I'm just stubborn in general in which I want to try to do everything for myself.
    Thought provoking blog. Very good.

  2. Great post.

    On a side note, one of your statements really got me thinking about how important it is to surround ourselves with good examples. I want my friends as well as myself to be a good example to my kids.


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