I live a comfortable life. I have the man I have loved for the last 17 years beside me, the child that I had always dreamed of dancing in front of me, a job that affords me the ability to be creative, pay my bills, and spend time with my family.
And yet, I spend the majority of my days waiting for the shoe to drop. We live dangerously close to one catastrophe ruining us and leaving us broken and homeless. I feel a longing for a bigger life, a life not about me and my comfort level, a life that would be a lot less predictable and comfortable.
I have thought about this for over a year now.
I spend my days wondering if I am really living and not just surviving my life. I have wondered if I am teaching my child to find value in the physical and the here and now rather than the eternal grace that has been bestowed upon us.
An opportunity has opened up within my local church. An opportunity to live a missional life within the city that I hold so dear to my heart, an opportunity to jump into the deep end of life and learn how to swim. And I want it so badly that I am not even concerned with how the bills will be paid, how the day-to-day semantics will work, because I just know that they will.
I have mentioned before that I am not who I was. I have mentioned before the beauty of God's grace in my life and my faith that I do not need to worry about a thing. I feel deeply that all of the things that have happened in the last 6 years, have happened to bring me to this point, have happened to take away my fear of the unknown, of chaos, so that when the time came - I would just jump, instead of toying around in the shallow end making excuses.
The only doubts that linger are: Is this truly God's plan for me? and Do I want this so badly for me - or for the glory of Him?
So I ask you today, oh readers of mine, to please say a prayer for me. That my mind will be focused and true, that I will be able to clearly hear the sound of God's voice calling me to whatever He has in store for my life and that my own selfish ambitions will take backstage as I enter into whatever this calling may be.
I'm am so excited for you and will be praying that God will lead you. How awesome!
ReplyDeleteI have just discovered your lovely blog! and I will certainly pray for you. I think though that as you have been walking close to God, the answer will become clearer and clearer in your spirit. I also think if it's God's plan for you, it WILL happen. take care and God bless :)
ReplyDeleteHold on to John 15. Jesus shares with us His plans for us when we are living close to Him in obedience.
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http://milestonesoffaith.blogspot.com/
Kerry
Hello my North Florida friend! I am going to be blunt as I am sure you have come to realize is just part of me. I think you know the answer and I think that god has already shown you the way. And because we are so alike I think you are scared. I will pray for you of course but have trust in what you already know to be true :) You said it the last 6 years have prepared you for this. Have faith my sweet friend and he will continue to lead you and your lovely family. And dive baby dive!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. I know you will find the answer that you need to follow the path God has planned for you. And I will pray for you the courage to take that path. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWow. It's so beautiful to see others out there with the desire to pursue the call of God on their lives. Sure it's hard with a family and with the economy we live in but seriously, I think in the end we know it's all about taking that first step of faith. Where would we all be now if Abraham didn't take a step of faith and GO when God commanded him to go? The harvest is plentiful and the laborers are few- if THIS truly is THAT which God has prepared you for- how exciting!!!
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