I live a comfortable life. I have the man I have loved for the last 17 years beside me, the child that I had always dreamed of dancing in front of me, a job that affords me the ability to be creative, pay my bills, and spend time with my family.
And yet, I spend the majority of my days waiting for the shoe to drop. We live dangerously close to one catastrophe ruining us and leaving us broken and homeless. I feel a longing for a bigger life, a life not about me and my comfort level, a life that would be a lot less predictable and comfortable.
I have thought about this for over a year now.
I spend my days wondering if I am really living and not just surviving my life. I have wondered if I am teaching my child to find value in the physical and the here and now rather than the eternal grace that has been bestowed upon us.
An opportunity has opened up within my local church. An opportunity to live a missional life within the city that I hold so dear to my heart, an opportunity to jump into the deep end of life and learn how to swim. And I want it so badly that I am not even concerned with how the bills will be paid, how the day-to-day semantics will work, because I just know that they will.
I have mentioned before that I am not who I was. I have mentioned before the beauty of God's grace in my life and my faith that I do not need to worry about a thing. I feel deeply that all of the things that have happened in the last 6 years, have happened to bring me to this point, have happened to take away my fear of the unknown, of chaos, so that when the time came - I would just jump, instead of toying around in the shallow end making excuses.
The only doubts that linger are: Is this truly God's plan for me? and Do I want this so badly for me - or for the glory of Him?
So I ask you today, oh readers of mine, to please say a prayer for me. That my mind will be focused and true, that I will be able to clearly hear the sound of God's voice calling me to whatever He has in store for my life and that my own selfish ambitions will take backstage as I enter into whatever this calling may be.