Monday, April 25, 2011

This Would Be The Time To Keep Your Mouth Shut

I work at a major university. My only choice of restrooms is the single room handicap bathroom or a 3-stall ladies room around the corner. I don't like to use the handicap bathroom because every time that I have I got glaring looks when I come out of it, either from a disabled person that is waiting to go in or able-bodied students that know that I am stealing a spot from somebody that really needs to use it. (I am paranoid like that)

This leads me to the 3-stall ladies room. It usually smells bad (it's in a high traffic area), but for what it's needed for it's not the worse that I have ever seen. I have some, uh, performance issues, so I wait until all of the students have cleared out and are safely in classes before I venture out to do my business. This afternoon, there happened to be an older woman rushing in the door just as I was.

Apparently, she does not understand the rules, so I am going to post them here in case you are ever in a similar situation, you will be able to handle yourself accordingly.

1. There will be no eye contact until business has been successfully handled. Entering the restroom is not the time to make a new friend.

2. If person A chooses stall 1 (see diagram), it is your duty to choose stall 3. Stall 2 is no longer an option for you. Again, this is not the time to make friends or have a conversation.

It obvious that you should choose the one furthest away - right?
3. If what you are about to do feels as though it may be explosive, you should definitely see rule number 2. Apologizing after the fact is no good. You knew going in that this was not going to be one of your finest moments.

4. Telling anyone, while you are in the stall, where you had lunch and what you ate, is never an excuse for doing what you are doing, especially if you are already fouling up the first 3 rules. Again, this could wait until after you are done, if anyone is still in the restroom when you have completed your task.

5. Standing at the sink talking about what other people are doing in the stalls is rude. We know that it is "disgusting" or "nasty", that's why we are trying to rid our bodies of it. You talking about it does not help the situation. And what is more "disgusting" or "nasty" is the fact that you are just standing there playing in your hair after using the facilities instead of washing your hands.

6. Washing your hands is mandatory. MANDATORY. If you cannot perform this task due to an allergy with water or soap, you should always have hand sanitizer with you.

7. If you use the last of the toilet paper on the roll, replace it so that others will not have to do it after you. See this post, if you are uncertain how to go about changing the toilet paper roll.

How would you have handled this encounter? Would you have said anything back to this woman? Do you have any rules to add to the list?


  1. lol.. o I agree, you definitely do not need to be telling anyone what you had for lunch while you are eliminating it.
    and re #3: even if it weren't explosive, but just plain foul, flushing once during the process might be a good idea.
    I think I would have just smiled politely, and maybe, perhaps said, "Yeah, it is a washroom, it's what people do; I like to just wash my hands and leave as soon as possible. Bye".

  2. OH my gosh you are so funny! ;) I am so there with you! I am your newest follower from the finding new friends blog hop. I am one of the hosts! Stopping by to say hi and playing catch up LOL! Hope to see ya on all my blogs :)

  3. Plain and simple, bathroom is not a place to make friends. No chit chat, no smiles, no interaction.


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