There is a scene in the Green Mile where John Coffee sucks all of the disease out of the warden's wife. When he gets back to the jail, he can barely breathe and begins to choke. Finally, with one huge cough, all of the disease and poison flies out and infects the bad guys around him. I call that the Black Uglies.
When I sing, I feel like I am getting all of the black uglies out of my soul, all of the diseased put downs, bad words, bad actions and even worse reactions go flying out of me and into the universe around me. I feel freer, lighter.
I can't seem to make it happen when I am singing in the choir or even during worship at Sunday service. I wonder if it is God protecting all of His people from the black uglies in my soul.
Give me a Friday night in a poorly lit, smoky Karaoke bar and I will come out a changed woman. All of the self-hatred and ugliness will be gone and in it's place will be my beaming face, my raspy voice and my haggard, next day hair.
I need a Friday night like this. I need some time out with my ladies (and maybe even my guy), I need a karaoke bar, a microphone, and an audience to cheer me on. I need to get loud and let loose.
It has been 4 years since I have sang by myself in public, that is 4 years of holding all of the black uglies inside, 4 years of trying to keep my temper, my rage and my bitterness in check.
Who's up for taking this old girl out to a Honky Tonk and letting her show off a bit?
Who's up for taking my girl (for free) for the night so that this momma can have a time out?