(I am going to be a bit whiny and a little punk ass B today, prepare yourselves.)
From the moment that I set my very sore feet on the ground in the morning, to the time that I lay my (aching)self down at night, I am "on". I don't ever get to be weak, to be fragile, to be emotional or upset. The alone time that I get is spent driving from work to the kid's school or from work to home.
I have just been in a car accident, I have caught the spring crud that is going around, I have a chronic illness and, yet, there is never a time that I can just turn off. There is work to be done, groceries to be shopped for, bills to be paid, a budget to create, a calendar of activities that need to be attended. There is a house to be cleaned, laundry to be folded, toys in every room of our house. There are phone calls to be made, appointments to be set, dinner to be prepared.
It is up to me be strong, to hold my tongue when things go wrong, to not hurt feelings, step on toes or ruin plans. It is my job to be wife and mom. There is no one else to step up to the plate and take on those duties.
If I am tired? Chug another Mountain Dew.
If I am angry? Blog.
If I feel weak? Guilt.
If I am sick, sore or tormented? Swallow it up, strap on some man parts, and put on my big girl panties.
I understand that these are expectations that I have put on myself. I understand that no one else cares if the laundry or toys consume us. I understand that in the real world, the school is not checking my kid to see if she wore the same socks yesterday or to see if her hair was combed that morning. I know that a lot of the worries and stress that weigh me down are of my own doing, however, if there was a slightest hint that anyone else would be willing to allow me to not take the lead anymore - I am sure that I would jump at the chance.
Hubs works two jobs right now and I understand that it is a lot (I have been there myself, not so long ago) and I work very hard to not be whiny, to not be the nagging wife. All I am trying to say is if I really am the weaker sex - when do I get my nap? When do I get my turn to read a book or go to sleep early? When do I get to go hang out with my friends until the wee hours of the morning? When do I get to go have adult conversations with anyone, outside of my job?
When do I get to turn off?