Faking It

I go through this life, everyday, day after day, feeling like a big fake. A fake that can confidently and without a doubt tell you X,Y,or Z but is really not that sure that that is the correct answer after all. But, man, I can say it with confidence. 

I can spout Bible stories and verses and songs, but at night when I lie awake in my bed, questioning everything, my life, myself, my interactions of the day - I doubt. I doubt and I question and I wonder. I probably wouldn't ever say that around my kid, although, I would guess that it would be healthier for her in the long run if she knew the doubt, if she knew the incessant questioning of my soul so that when she wonders, when she questions, when she doubts, she will know that she is not weird or unfaithful. She will know that she just takes after her mother, in all of her weirdness, in all of her unfaithfulness, in all of her imagination. 

And that can be okay, too. Maybe.

There is no place in this world, this life that I have made myself that I can be 100% me with all of my doubts, all of my questions, all of my imagination. Me with the dirty mouth and the even dirtier mind...

I guess I am just mom, now. Just wife.  

Maybe next year will be better.

Stuck

I have kind of been stuck lately and out of sorts. Sorry for the lack of posts, I am sure it will get better soon.

My kid is a sociopath, but maybe we knew that already...

I'll be back soon, I promise.

A Gift That We Can All Benefit From

I have been really struggling with what to get for the Hubs for Christmas. We just got a new bed (thanks Scare Bear!), new tires for the car, and a new phone (thanks Sprint upgrade!). He is good on pajama pants, underwear, and socks. We just got new toothbrushes...

I have just been stumped and since we are still working towards that whole debt-free scenario, I couldn't really get into the wants of the Christmas season. Not this year at least.

Needless to say, Proctor & Gamble contacted me at the exact right time about their Art of Shaving program.

The program has only been available in high end department stores until now and is a perfect gift for any of the men in your life. Centered around the Four Elements of the Perfect Shave - Prepare, Lather Up!, Shave, and Moisturize, P&G has even created very affordable gifts for all of the men in our lives to get their shave on without nicks, cuts, ingrown hairs, or whining. What more could a girl ask for?

How about the fact that they took the guess work out of making sure that you get everything your men need for the best most comfortable shaves of their lives?

That's right, ladies! You can go to the Art of Shaving website, find the scent that you think your man would love (unscented, sandalwood, lemon, ocean kelp, and lavender) and get a kit with everything that they will need complete with shaving cream brushes, razors, oils, and after shaves.

But wait, there's more! Proctor and Gamble has given me a few deals to share with my readers!

Free Ground shipping and $15 off your purchase of any The Art of Shaving Full Size Kit, until 12/30/12 with Promo Code: 15offFSK at checkout

Enjoy 20% off your purchase of The Perfect Shave Solution.  Valid unitl 12/30 No code needed.  Discount automatically applied at checkout when you purchase a full size Pre Shave, a full size Shaving Cream or soap and bowl, Shaving Brush, Razor and After Shave.

Free Ground Shipping and 10% off ProGlide Power Save Set, through 12/30/12 Promo code: 10PowerShave

Do yourself (and your man) a favor by giving them the gift of the prefect shave this Christmas - your face will thank you for it!

Just Perfectly 4

Yesterday, I turned in the applications for the Supergirl to start Kindergarten in the fall.

My baby.

A person that 5 years ago, on this day, only existed on the inside of me. A person that 5 years ago today, had not yet been named, who insisted on kicking me only when I had finally gotten truly comfortable, a person who was not even due yet on this day 5 years ago.

And yet, in just 10 days she will be 5. In just a few months, she will start Kindergarten.

This girl, this person that she is becoming, has a huge personality and imagination to grow into and I wonder if big kid school will enhance her or break her, if the cruelty of thoughtless children is as harsh as I remember it to sometimes be, if she will lead her peers to goodness or if she will crumble from the sheer number of their idiocy and follow.

I wonder if she will command center stage the way that she does now when she is 10 or 15. I wonder if she will always sing and dance and laugh with the joy that she does today. Or, if somehow, somewhere along the way some kid will tell her she cannot dance, or some adult will let her know that she has no rhythm or that she is always just slightly off key.

I wonder how she will react on the day that she realizes that she is not always going to be the best or the smartest or the fastest or the prettiest. And I wonder if she will tell me what is wrong, or if she will just cry silent tears in her room after all the lights are off.

I wonder if she will continue to write even when she learns the words and the sentences, even after the iambic pentameter has been drilled into her head, and even after a teacher tells her that her writing is no good. I wonder if she will continue to make up stories and scenarios. I wonder if she will continue to share them with me.

But today, she is still 4, still in Preschool. And today, that's perfect.

I Don't Know If This Is Blasphemous...

Sorry about the lack of posts lately. I have been on doctor-suggested bed rest due to a sinus infection and walking pneumonia, but am feeling so much better that I decided to actually go back to work today, which is a huge relief because I am almost out of episodes of The Secret Life of The American Teenager to watch on Netflix and Doomsday Preppers was a tad too crazy to really get behind it. Do not even get me started on the two episodes of Freaky Eaters I watched.

Instead, I am going to tell you that being on bed rest sucks. Especially when you know you should be at work, you feel guilty for not being at work, and because when you are not sleeping, taking meds, or watching mind-numbing television there is really nothing left to do.

So, you scour the internet for something entertaining, something that will make you ignore the piles of laundry that you know you should be doing or the dishes that are reaching unexplained heights in the sink.

And then you find Ugly Renaissance Babies.

And you laugh, which causes you to have a coughing fit that almost makes you gag which drags your husband away from making dinner and he starts to laugh, as you nod up at him with tears in your eyes, which suddenly grabs the attention of the almost 5 year old who comes running to see what you are laughing at and then she backs away in horror as she screams, "STOP LAUGHING AT JESUS'S PENIS!"

And it is only then you realize how blasphemous the whole thing must be, because page after page are paintings of the Madonna and the Baby Jesus and her boob is hanging out and his penis is flopping all over everything. But you can't stop laughing because it is not like you intentionally went looking for Jesus's penis and you want to blame the people of the Renaissance for being so obviously obsessed with the Virgin Mother's nip slips and the Holy Babe's Peter.

This is the most innocent one I can find.

Which gets you to thinking about Jesus and the Disciples and the fact that there were times when they were out on the boat or walking along the road and I am certain that at some point (being a man and all) that Jesus would need to pee. And being men, and knowing men, how I am suddenly certain that Peter or John or someone else standing to the right side of Jesus had to have snuck a little looksey in because that's what men do when they are standing next to another man peeing.

But I couldn't just announce these thoughts over dinner in front of the child, so instead I woke the Hubs up at my 1 AM med time and asked him if he thought that the disciples were sneaking peeks at the Holy Grail. To which he replied, "Probably not, Jesus probably just went to the lavatory and closed the door."

Now, I am not up on my biblical history, but I am pretty sure that that is not correct.

Lessons Learned In The Cold November Rain

This month, this thankful month has been difficult for me. Me, who has always been the optimist, the "look-on-the-bright-side-of-things" girl. Me, who has always had hope that tomorrow really would be better, that grey skies would be gone, that all would turn out all right every time. Except this time.

Because November caught me in its cold, November rain and would not let the strangle hold go until the very last day...

My Thankful Month Project ran out of steam at 21 days and could not be resuscitated, no matter how many times I tried to gather my blessings and wordsmith my way out of this funk, I was mired deep in the drudgery and it just didn't pan out.

All is not lost, however! There are lessons even in the grey and cloudy and here are a few of the things that I have learned.

• Never pick up a sick child at school when you have left work sick. They are not really sick. They just want to go home early. You will get sicker and no matter how many times they tell you that they just want to cuddle on the couch and watch movies with their momma - they are liars and should never be trusted. 

• No matter how sick you are, unless you are in the hospital, you will be putting your child to bed while your husband snores dutifully on the couch after his "hard" 7 hour work day. Dreams of going to bed early without interruptions are short-lived when there is a 4 year old involved anyway. Manipulation seems to be a dominant gene in her mix. 

• Not only does no other member of my household no how to use the washing machine and drier, but apparently they have never heard of the terms "laundry basket" or "put away". I can only guess that the growing mountain of "clean clothes" on the floor of the laundry mountain is meant to someday become a tributary statue to the greatness of me. Perhaps I keep ruining their surprise by scooping it all up and putting it away. 

• If clean laundry is in a basket, there is a 99.6% chance that the Supergirl will place her dirty clothes in said basket. If the basket is empty, there is 100% chance that she will place said dirty clothes directly on the living room floor. Every single time. 

• The Hubs does that too. 

• Advil Cold & Sinus may be a miracle drug. Seriously. I think it might be made of unicorn rainbows and fairy sprinkles. 

• The second that you trust your preschooler to vacuum your floor when neither of you can breathe or smell, will be the exact moment that your vacuum decides to catch on fire. True story. Thank God, I noticed the smoke and turned it off before things got crazy. 

• 4 year olds think that feeding a vacuum cleaner styrofoam peanuts is funny. Until their momma starts screaming and speaking in tongues and banishing them to their rooms through the smoky air. Then, they will refuse to vacuum anymore because, "I'm scared of the vacuum..."

• The more food you put outside for random cats that just show up - the more cats will start showing up. Don't tell the Hubs...

December looks to be promising. We will see how it goes.

Happy End of Hurricane Season Everyone!

Why Is My Head So Damn Heavy?

Judging by the ache in my neck, my head is now too heavy to be suspended (suspended? I don't think that this is the right word. I can't really think of the right word right now. Please pretend that I am using the correct word)on top of it anymore. I hate to be a whiner, but going into the third day of The Disease That Will Surely Kill Me, I am fairly certain that my end must be near.

I have a giant black bruise on my hand that I vaguely remember getting, but am not sure how or what I did to get it. My grandmother used to bruise like that. Am I bleeding internally? It hurts pretty bad, I never knew that internal bleeding could hurt like that.

I tell people that I am only 36, but in reality I am feeling much closer to 93 right now what with the hot flashes, sweating, and freezing intervals that have preoccupied much of this week. Will the pharmacy even believe that that is my Driver's License picture when I go to buy meth ingredients in an attempt to feel human again? Why do meth addicts have to ruin my life? Where is my Driver's License? Screw it, I am gonna take a nap.

I am certain that someone has been slipping finely ground glass into my icy cold drinks because I am certain that I can feel the pieces grinding together, embedded in my throat, every time I try to swallow.

The nostril on the left has completely stopped functioning, the one on the right refuses to stop dripping. Isn't that signs of a stroke? I could ask Web MD, but my eyes itch too much and my head aches too much to try to sort it all out.

Also, a cat seems to have taken up residence under my porch. Yes. Another one. I named him Connie before I knew he was a he. Now, we are stuck with a boy cat named Connie. If cats didn't look so feminine they might get better names. This cat looks every bit the part of a Consuela - Connie for short.

Rationality is out the window at this point.

6 chickens, two cats - what's next?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 21

The skies are blue and the sun is shining once again in Florida. Hooray.

Here are the top 3 things that I am most thankful for on the day before Thanksgiving:

1. That my hair looks better on the day after a wash than on the day I washed it. No one needs to know that I did not shower this morning, right?

2. That I woke up even though the power flashed last night taking the alarm clock out with it. I was only 10 minutes late to work, no big deal, right?

3.That I am not hosting Thanksgiving at my house. Seriously? That was what came to your mind? That the woman who works 70 a week is going to somehow clean her house from top to bottom, prepare a meal that includes two friggin' meats and pies in the less than 24 hours between the time she gets off tonight at 10:30 and dinner at 3 PM tomorrow?

Not happening.

So glad that we got that shit straight.

What 3 things are you thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 20

Still giving thanks, even though it is hard to find those things these days. I know that it is just this evil world plaguing me and I have much to be grateful for.

This week, it just feels hard, hard to focus on the great and the good, when I am mired down in the grey, dreary, cold and gross.

1. I am thankful that I have friends that I can vent to. Friends that might not take my griping and bitching too seriously because they know that I just need to let things out. I am also thankful that those same friends can come to me whenever they need to.

2. I am thankful that for as many times as I wanted to just hurl my friggin' computer through the top floor window, I remained (outwardly) calm and kept my job. Even though I REALLY REALLY need to throw something from the top floor window.

3. I am thankful for dinner and conversation with awesome friends after a miserable day. I am also truly thankful that it finally rained tonight. I really hope that they gray skies are gone in the morning.

The Thankful Day Project - Day 19

Day 19. We're getting there guys. I may actually make it to the end of this month having been thankful for each and every day.

I hope so.

This one started on a rather sour note.

Here we go:

1. I am thankful I got to work on time today. Even though I woke up incredibly late. And I may have forgotten deodorant and underwear. I was on time. Boo-ya.

2. I am thankful that the Hubs was able to bring me lunch at a normal lunch time instead of the usual 4 o'clock in the afternoon. At least I wasn't starving all.

3. I am thankful that even though my meds seem to drown out a lot of the noise, I am still able to make astute observations and give great ideas to the people in charge. I am also thankful that they take those ideas seriously and see how they can be beneficial to all of us. It's kinda cool to still be the new kid, but be able to affect change for the better at both of my jobs.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

The Thankful Day Project - Day 18

Here we go kids, the 3 things I am most thankful for in this the 18th day of November.

1. Surprise visits from Blade. I swear the kid grows every other day. It won't be much longer before he is bigger than his momma.

Where have these little munchkins gone? They are so much bigger now. 

2. Friends and co-workers that will drive me to and from work so that we can save a few bucks. This week? We really needed that. Thanks people.

3. The new-to-us king-size bed that Scare Bear delivered to our house today. I can't wait to get it setup and sleep in it. For many, many days.

What 3 things are you thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 17

It's that time again, ladies and gentleman! Let's get on our thankful thinking caps and think of all of the great things that we are thankful for today.

Here is my list of 3...

1. Dinner out with girlfriends after a long day surrounded by dirty minded men. Even though I had the family in tow, I still got to have some great food and interesting conversations with two of the most beautiful women that I have ever met. I felt honored and astonished that they were interested in spending their vacation time reconnecting with me. And my giant kid.

 

Seriously, how hot are these two?

2. Being told that I am awesome because I can change batteries, headlights, fuses, and air filters. Maybe they are right. 

3. Being able to sleep in an extra hour on Saturday because I don't have to be to work until 9:30. Thank  you boss, for randomly changing my schedule for no real reason. It kinda rocked. 

What 3 things are you thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 16

You have probably already read about my little November project, but just as a recap:

You probably know the deal by now, what with the title and all, but I am writing 3 things that I am grateful for each day for the month of November. I have several reasons for doing this, but to be honest, one of them is because of my intense jealousy of people posting about their blessings last year in November. I thought, "Oh, their lives are so great and everything is so perfect and whatever, whatever." I am determined to let go of that angry, jealous heart and mindset this year by remembering that I am indeed awesomely blessed in many, many ways.

My hope is to have a list of at least 90 things that I am thankful for by the end of this month to remind me of this on the bad and dark days. Depression is a terrible liar, but if I have tangible evidence of my blessings, I am less likely to allow it to ruin my day - or my family's. So there you have it. 3 things, 3 things is all I need to come up with for the day. Here we go:

1. I am thankful for big ideas that come from the smallest of things. I found this logo on the internet and have now built a birthday party theme around it that knocks my girl socks off. I feel like kind of an awesome mom right now (no worries about me getting a big head though, the girl will knock me down several pegs before we even make it home tonight, I am sure).

 2. I am thankful for the surrogate moms that I have in the world. If it weren't for the Scare Bear's mom, or my aunts, or any of the hundreds of awesome woman that I have assembled together in my crazy - I am certain that I would have lost my mind long ago. I love awesome women that love me and my kid as though we are theirs.

3. I am thankful for the newest addition to our menagerie - a new goldfish that we have named Ruby Red. Ruby is the quietest and most behaved individual in our household. She is also the best swimmer. There are days that I wish I could stay locked in the bathroom with Ruby. Today might be one of them.

The Thankful Month Project - Day 15

It's been gray and gross here in the Sunshine State for the last two days, couple that with the Toothache of Epic Proportions that I am also rocking, and you will understand how hard it was for me to create today's list of thanks.

I am not one to sit around and have a pity party, so instead, I have found a few things to be thankful for.

Instead of Complaining…

About what a wretched little beast woke up in place of my daughter this morning.

I am thankful…

that she woke up. I am so, so thankful for her healthy lungs and her strong voice.

Instead of Complaining…

About what a B I  may think that my new supervisor is.

I am thankful…

That she is here because I forgot my badge this morning and she was the one that let me in the building.

Instead of Complaining…

About the sound of swallowing and eating coming from anyone else's body (seriously - it oogs me out).

I am thankful…

that I have headphones, Pandora, TV, and radio to drown that shit out.

Ya'll should be proud that I have made it this far into the day.

The Thankful Month Project - Day 14

Man, we have almost made it to the halfway point of this mad adventure. Why is this month moving so scary, crazy fast?

My child will be 5 in 32 days. I am so ready for it in many ways and dreading it in others. I am not going to dwell on all of that right now though. We have a list of 3 things to be thankful for today and we are gonna get down to the nitty-gritty of that right now.

1. I am thankful for the other 27 teeth in my head. The ones that are not hurting right now. In fact, I am appreciative of everyday that I have never had a toothache until now and will be eternally grateful once this ends. Because this? This is pretty stinking awful.

P.S. I am sorry to every person who has ever had a toothache around me that I have rolled my eyes at or got exasperated with. If this was the pain that you were in, I am amazed by you and, again, very sorry. 

2. I am thankful for the promise of all of the fun things that we have coming up on the calendar. Woo-hoo for Christmas in Florida (the only time of the year when anybody has any energy to do anything because it is not a thousand degrees of humidity outside!).

3. I am thankful to my grandmother for passing down that creative gene, you have helped spawn a generation of women that love to craft and design and I see all of those talents shining through in the kid that lives in what used to be my baby's bedroom.

Seriously, where is my baby?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 13

It's a Tuesday that feels like a Monday! I am not at all thankful for that, but am so thankful that I got to spend a whole lot of quality time with my munchkin yesterday. So much so that I have figured out her Christmas and birthday in record time and am so excited about it that I think I may just burst before I have the chance to tell her about it!

Christmas cards? No idea. Gifts for people other than the girl? I got nothing. What I am preparing for dinner tonight? Nada.

But I have got the girl down pat. She had better be excited.

Here are the things that I am thankful for today:

1. That I know my girl so well right now. I know that this will not last forever, but right now she fancies herself a scientist, a doctor, a geologist, sometimes a circus performer. And I know how excited she will be about something based on my excitement level for her. This year is gonna be so good.

2. That when I ask people for something on Facebook, I get immediate responses. I am pretty sure that that may be signs of addiction on their end, but it makes me feel loved and rare. Like a butterfly, a unicorn, or a Christian Democrat.

3. That I can listen to my music all day long and not be interrupted. I have kind of an awesome day job.

What 3 things are you thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 12

Let me tell you, there are many things to be thankful for on the 12th day of November, but the best, by far, is waking up knowing that it is 2 hours past your normal wake-up time, you have nowhere to be, that the little girl snuggled in next to you will stay snuggled up as long as you don't go ruining it by moving or making noise.

And then you realize you have to pee.

And that moment is over.

So, here are the things that I am most thankful for today:

1. Veterans (obviously), but closer to home, I am thankful for my daddy and my brother for putting their lives at risk for my family's security and safety. My dad never got a Veteran's Day off from work either, so that's kind of big deal for me.

My brother during his deployment to Iraq.
He got to come home when our father was dying - this was the first time that he saw the Supergirl. 

2. Snuggling. I am very thankful for snuggle time when I can get it.

3. Not working either job, all day, and not doing anything except playing with my kid, watching cartoons and movies, and eating popcorn and ice cream instead of real food. Kind of AWESOME!

The Thankful Month Project - Day 11

Oh, the thankfulness just spilleth over here at the Momma house.

1. I am thankful that the girl-child woke up easily this morning to go to church. I am also extremely grateful that she chose to dress herself. In every shade of pink ever and yesterday's face-painting still on her forehead. She is awesome.

Stripes and ruffles and glitter - oh, my. Also, pretend like you never saw my dining room, 'kay?

2. I am thankful that I am not the driver that locked my keys in the ignition of the work truck at 10 minutes to 5 with the truck still running. That was kinda dumb. And it made me late getting off. Also? REALLY thankful that I am no longer just a driver. Driving around in the winter is not nearly as fun as driving in the summer.

3. I am thankful that dinner doesn't always have to be a production - especially on Sunday nights when I have just worked 30 hours in 4 days - plus the other job. I am really, really thankful for that.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 10

This morning started off badly with my tongue quickly sharpening against the dagger-like words that I felt forming in my mind. Fortunately, I was wise enough to not destroy my marriage at 9 AM in the morning with words that fly on demon like wings - as tempted as I may have been.

Here are the 3 things that I am thankful for today:

1. Being busy enough at the second job that I didn't sit around getting angrier and creating conversations in my mind that would further damage the family situation. While I wonder at the stroke of genius of having a second job that prohibits me the time and energy to allow my mind to run crazy and dark, I know that it could only be divine.

2. Having an unofficial sister-wife. Or a wifey-wife. I am so very thankful that I have the Scare Bear around as a second mother to my child, as a sounding board for my insanity, as the voice of reason in some of my crazy. I wish I were a tenth of the friend to her that she is to me.

She also has REALLY great tits. 

3. Getting home to a sleeping child that slept the full night so that the Hubs and I could have a movie date night on our living room couch without interruption or repeated requests for cups of water and midnight snacks.

The Thankful Month Project - Day 9

I am out of the office today, which is reason enough to be thankful, but I have more!

Here are the 3 things that I am most thankful for today:

1. Dreamweaver - making website editing easier by the day.

Just seeing the icon on my computer give me goosbumps.

2. Working for a company that will pay big money for me to spend days out of the office to learn new software.

3. Calling an old friend to invite her to lunch, but instead just stay on the phone talking for over an hour because she hurt her back and has no choice but to lay there and listen to you.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 8

I cannot believe that we are already on Day 8! It seems like I just started this adventure and yet, here we are.

Here are the 3 things that I am most thankful for today.

1. Holding babies. I need another baby, ya'll. Mine will only let me hold her when she is trying to delay bedtime. 

2. Two silly girls that are just too funny for their own good. Also, when they decide on dates and just tell us when it's gonna happen. 

3. I got paid today.

The Thankful Month Project - Day 7

We knew that this day would be part of the month. It's just that I hate this day so very, very much.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Advil. Ugh.

2. Supergirl's Halloween chocolate stash.

3. Red meat.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 6

I thought that this project would get more and more difficult, but here I am on Day 6 feeling far more blessed than I have ever believed I deserved. Also, a bit stuffier than I want to be, but when your cup runneth over, perhaps your sinuses should as well. I will take the good and the bad for today, I reckon.

As I have said, I am making a list of 3 things that I am thankful for each day in the month of November. Here is today's list (which may include more than 3, I didn't do as well in math as you may have thought):

1. I am thankful that I have the right to vote. I am thankful that even though I have a uterus, I can speak and have my voice and my opinion matter. I am thankful that I live in a country that allows the free expression of ideas and ensures the right of democracy.
1.b. I am also extremely grateful that this election is over. Living in a swing state and listening to all of the BS on our airwaves and Facebook feeds nauseates me and I am so, so thankful that it is done.

2. I am thankful for sleeping babies. I love her, God, I love her so much, but man , some nights? Some nights bedtime cannot come fast enough. 

3. Warm, purring, sleeping, fluffy kitties asleep by my side while I type this. I just want to snuggle in next to him and sleep the whole night away. Maybe I will. 

A Quick Note: I know that some of you are upset tonight. I know that some of you are angry. I am sorry that you feel this way. Even though things did not go the way that you expected, remember that you are still very blessed to live in the United States. Find your blessings, live thankful and be grateful.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

A Break from the Norm

I voted today.

I went to work. I went to meetings. I ate lunch. I did some research. I wrote some e-mails and made a few phone calls.

Tonight, I will make dinner, put my baby to bed, kiss my husband, and go to sleep.

I did not vote for a savior, I already have one. I am not relying on one man to fix all that is wrong with our country.

No matter who wins the election, I will still have to work two jobs to make ends meet. No matter who wins the election, I will still have to put food on my table and a roof over our heads. No matter who wins the election, they will still only be a man. A man in a position of great power, but still just a man.

No matter who wins the election, I will still have bills that need to be paid, there will still be children starving in the United States, there will still be people in New York and New Jersey without a home. No matter who wins the election, there will still be fathers (and mothers) that run out on their babies, there will be still be drug addicts living on the streets instead of getting treatment.

No matter who wins the election, this is our country. We can no longer afford to rely on any one man in a position of great power to lead us or save us. We have to be willing to help ourselves and our neighbors out of this mess.

I will pray for my country, all of them, even the ones that voted against my candidate tonight. I will pray for peace and unity.

I still don't think it is too much to hope for.

“The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”~ Mark 12:29-31

P.S. Don't think that I have forgotten to add the three things I am thankful for today - those are still coming. I just wanted to give my opinion. 

The Thankful Month Project - Day 5

It's that time again! Here are the 3 things that I am thankful for on this, the fifth day of November.

1. That this is what my city looks like on the  5th day of November. It's not easy living in paradise. 

2. Meeting all day long with 13 of the smartest people I have ever met in a 156 year old house surrounded by the smell of old books and gazing at original works by Dali. I'm kind of fancy.

3. Pictures of our family as drawn by Supergirl.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 4

You probably know the deal by now, what with the title and all, but I am writing 3 things that I am grateful for each day for the month of November. I have several reasons for doing this, but to be honest, one of them is because of my intense jealousy of people posting about their blessings last year in November. I thought, "Oh, their lives are so great and everything is so perfect and whatever, whatever." I am determined to let go of that angry, jealous heart and mindset this year by remembering that I am indeed awesomely blessed in many, many ways.

My hope is to have a list of at least 90 things that I am thankful for by the end of this month to remind me of this on the bad and dark days. Depression is a terrible liar, but if I have tangible evidence of my blessings, I am less likely to allow it to ruin my day - or my family's.

Enough rambling... on to today's awesomeness.

Here is my list of the 3 things that I am most thankful for on this fourth day of November:

1. White Chocolate, Oatmeal, and Cranberry cookies. I am not sure who invented these or why, but OMG,OMG, OMG, . Apparently, there are people in this world that want me to weigh a bagillion pounds. The girl and I made them for girl's night in tonight which makes them even more delicious. 

2. Watching a favorite movie for the eleven-teen-twentieth time tonight as part of girl's night in while snuggling on the couch. This is why God created Sunday night (although you might not want to make my word for it).

3. Random gold stars associated with my name. I'm kinda cool, ya'll/

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 3

As I posted yesterday, I am posting 3 things that I am thankful for each day in the month of November.I am doing this for several reasons:

1. People are generally happier when they remember to count their many blessings, rather than counting their disappointments.

2. I am participating in NaBloPoMo this month, so I have agreed to post new content EVERY.SINGLE. DAY for a WHOLE MONTH. I don't know what I was thinking.

3. I am making myself a list of 90 (or more) great things in my life to look at when I have a less than great day. Which can happen. People have them all the time, it doesn't mean I am relapsing or dying, it just means that I am (gulp) normal.

With all that being said, here are the 3 things that I am thankful for on this the third day of November.

1. A night of praise and worship among people from all different denominations across two states. Amazing! As an added bonus, my hot dates - Supergirl and the Hubs - loved it as well. 

2. Coming home from a long day at work to love letters from my girl. 

3. That cat, the one in the tree, because logic and gravity don't mean when anything when protecting your people from the furry and slithery creatures of the world. Thank goodness for Oliver. I have not had to deal with a mouse in 2 years.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today?

The Thankful Month Project - Day 2

As I posted yesterday, I am posting 3 things that I am thankful for each day in the month of November.I am doing this for several reasons:

1. People are generally happier when they remember to count their many blessings, rather than counting their disappointments.

2. I am participating in NaBloPoMo this month, so I have agreed to post new content EVERY.SINGLE. DAY for a WHOLE MONTH. I don't know what I was thinking.  

3. I am making myself a list of 90 (or more) great things in my life to look at when I have a less than great day. Which can happen. People have them all the time, it doesn't mean I am relapsing or dying, it just means that I am (gulp) normal. 

With all that being said, here are the 3 things that I am thankful for on this the second day of November. 

1. That the weekend holds the possibility of getting these two girls together. They are both only children and several years apart in age, but have somehow formed a relationship that transcends just friendship. It is amazing to watch what happens when we get them together.

2. Henry. The Rooster. He lets me know (loudly) every morning that I have slept through my alarm clock - again. 

3. Answered prayers. I do not underestimate the power of prayers . EVER.

What 3 things are you most thankful for today? 

The Thankful Month Project - Day 1

I have decided to use the month of November to really focus on the things that I am most thankful for. I would LOVE if this were to catch on, because I think we generally get through life a lot happier when we remember to count our blessings and be thankful for the gifts in our lives, even the tiniest of tiniest ones.

Since I am trying to not stress myself out too much, I have decided to find 3 different things each day to give thanks for that means at the end of the month, I will have a list of 90 things that have blessed me, just in one month - how awesome would that be?

Here is my list for the first day of November:

1. A little girl that makes funny faces.

2. A husband that looks for any reason to dress up. 

3. My jobs - as frustrating as they can be sometimes. 

Wild Wordless Wednesday

I have spent my time this week working on the last minute touches for the Supergirl's costume and it seems that I have used up my weekly allotment of creativity. Instead, check out the photos of Supergirl on Halloween over the last few years. I am amazed at how much she has grown in what seems like such a short amount of time.

Halloween 2008 - A Spring Chicken - Age 10 months

Halloween 2009 - Rainbow Brite - Age 1 year

Halloween 2010 - Snow White - Age 2

Halloween 2011 - Dorothy and Little Red Riding Hood - Age 3

Halloween 2012 - Pocahontas - Age 4

I made every costume except for the Spring Chicken and I am kind of proud of that. She is talking about being The Corpse Bride next year - we'll see how that goes.

Learning to Tread Water (Again)

When I asked my doctor for anti-depressants in September, I would have honestly told you that I didn’t feel depressed, just down, just blue, just like I was standing on the edge of the very deep hole. I thought since I had travelled this road before, I would know if I was in the hole, I would know if I had already sunk that low. I truly believed that I was just on the outskirts.

But depression lies.

In the month and half since I have been taking my meds, I have started doing the creative things that I love again, I am baking and making things from scratch instead of taking things from the freezer and putting them in the microwave. I have actually given away hand-me-downs from Supergirl to her little friends instead of allowing them to continue to collect on and under the dining room table. I have made her Halloween costume.

I have my drive back and can actually focus on things around me rather than just focusing on myself.

I recognize that this might not seem like such a huge deal to people on the outside, people that don’t understand that a touch can be so painful that it brings tears to your eyes, people that don’t get that many little noises can gather together in my head to create one loud cacophony of SOUND that makes no sense whatsoever, people that don’t know how much energy it takes just to hold a short conversation – but to me it’s like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders, the burden of everyone else’s happiness is no longer mine to bear anymore, the heaviness of their needs, their wants are not my main priority, not my responsibility, not at all.

And to those people the freedom that these realizations give me is also unexplainable. How do I explain to the ones that have always been free what it means to no longer be a slave to the crashing waves of an unseen disease? How do I describe the torment that my body has gone through daily for longer than even I had realized to someone that only sees the smiles on my face or the chirp in my voice that I use when faced with the public? How do I detail color that seemed lost for so long, when everything was dim and gray and blurred by my own tears?

I don’t know that I own the words necessary to make the shiny, normal ones understand, I am not sure that I ever will.

But I am better. I am content in this new place. And I am starting to find comfort again.

It’s kind of a big deal. 

There Are No Words...

I love words. I talk constantly (we’ve discussed this before), I devour books in single sittings because I just cannot get my fill fast enough (while largely ignoring my child and household duties), and I like to think of myself as a writer (okay, maybe just in the still and dark of night in my bedroom, but still).

But today, I have no words. No words at all.

In the blogging community there are about a bagillion “mom” blogs and an extremely large percentage of them are written by stay-at-home moms. While there is nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom, I just couldn't relate to a lot of them, so when I found Bridget’s blog (Stumbling TowardsPerfect) I knew that she and I would be friends in real life if we ever met.

Over the last year and half we have become great friends, I told you back in July that she and I wanted to attend the Blogher ’13 conference in Chicago but there is so much to it than that.

Bridget is one of those people that will always remind you how good you are, how strong you can be. She’s one of those people that just gets how life can be crap even to good people and how hard it is to strap on your boots everyday and keep going up that hill.

When I wrote about losing my job last June, she was the first person to encourage me to follow a new dream, to find a new path for myself.

When my whole world fell apart this winter and I was struggling to put one foot in front of the other on a daily basis, Bridget was the one that told me, “I want you to know how incredibly strong of a spirit you have and I don't want you to ever, ever buy in to the feelings that you are alone and failing --- because YOU. ARE. NOT. I just want to give you a big old hug!” (Who says that to a person that they have never met in person, half a continent away?)

Bridget is the person that you ALWAYS want on your team because you know that everything she does will be done 150% because that is just the kind of person that she is.

Yesterday morning when I opened up my Facebook page and saw a picture of her youngest daughter on it, it was like all time just stopped moving as I read: “Rest Peacefully in God's arms my sweet sweet angel. 10/5/01-10/24/12”.

It can’t be true, it can’t be because Dotter was a good, good girl, because Bridget is an awesome friend, because these things can’t happen to people.

Only they can. And they do. Even though it’s not fair, and it’s not right, it happens.

Bridget's 11 year-old-daughter died in a tragic car accident on Wednesday night. Her posts on Facebook and Twitter have been heart-wrenching, honest, and raw. All I want to do is get to her and give her a big old hug.

Those of us in the blogging community that love and care about Bridget and her family are joining together to raise money to help with their expenses. The website is With Love for Dotter. 

We know that no amount of money will ever replace the sweet, sincere, and lovable girl that she held in her arms. We know that nothing that we write or say will make the pain less or reverse time, but at a time like this, the LAST thing that a parent should have to worry about is money. 

Please consider going to the page and donating any amount, even if all you can do is leave a message of hope and support. We need each other in this world, especially at times like these. 

4 Outgrosses 3

Long ago, when Supergirl was merely a 3-year-old, I lamented that the Days of Poop were upon us. We spent large quantities of our waking hours discussing poop and where it should go. It directly affected the blog several times as well as my Facebook profile and Twitter feed.

I should have realized that, while I was praying for the Days of Poop to end, that there would be days that I would long for those innocent days of yore.

Ah, the innocent days of 3.

We have moved on to other, grosser activities in the last year, and, quite comically, the boogers and snot are the things that we are discussing more and more often. You would think that poop far outgrosses the snot and boogers, but that is where you are wrong. So very, very wrong.

I have proof:

"Supergirl, is there gold up there?"
"Huh?"
"Whatcha diggin' in your nose for?"
Shrugs, continues to dig. I grab her and say, "Come here let me suck it out". 
She squeals and replies, "No momma, it tastes too good to waste it on you."

And…

           

“What are you doing?”

            “I needed to blow my nose.”

            “On the blanket you use for nap at school?”

She nods, rolls the whole blanket back up and stuffs it back in her backpack. Since we were in the car driving to school when this happened, guess who got the crusty blanket for nap today.

And…

On a visit to my part-time job, my co-worker announces that he enjoys the crunchy ones as Supergirl digs happily in her nose. She gives him a disgusted glare and continues her dig. Then he says,

            “Do you like the crunchy ones or the juicy ones”

Her face of disgust is going full force as her mouth tells the truth. “Both,” she squeaks, defeated.

And, finally…

            “Supergirl, whatcha doin’?”

            “Getting a snack.”

            “Out of your nose?”

            “MMMM…hmmm”

“Maybe that should be your pose for picture day, just so everyone can see how you live your life.”

            “Whatever, mom, everybody does it. “

Time to go disinfect everything, again.